Run run run

“The first time I see a jogger smiling, I'll consider it.” Joan Rivers

Never imagined I'd ever ever consider it, but as I walked home through the park, sun shining, ipod playing, and it has to be said, seeing just how many cute men with nice bums there are jogging through it, I thought, I shall buy myself some trainers and run after the cute men, that'll be an incentive.

So, good songs for running to - let's have 'em.

Banksy

I love Banksy. Witty, political, accomplished and funny... They always give me a lift when I spot them around town. Or in my neighbourhood. I miss the Pulp Fiction characters in Old Street shooting with bananas, since the old bill painted them over. I agree whole-heartedly with what he says here. (I love this accent too.)

Thanks

for your sweet comments on the last post - I removed it because I suddenly realised that this is morphing into my teenage diary, which is Not Good, in fact a bit mortifying when you're 36.

Writers

by Posy Simmonds

Why are writers sexy?

Writers are not nice people really. I reckon to really be a good writer you have to be a bit of a cold-hearted bastard, at heart. Every one I've known has had that slight, clinical distance from other people, seeing them as good source material. Hmmm.

aaaargh

Frustration:

Mad Men: A Review

• Fags fags fags fags... lovely fags. God, I want a cigarette.

• The bitchy redhead office manager is probably the foxiest woman alive today. I aspire to be a) as bitchy and b) as foxy.

• I love slimy machiavellian Pete Campbell - a great, complex 3D character such as you rarely see on the telly - you hate him, but can't help sympathizing with his frustrated ambition.

• Same same for goody two shoes Peggy.

• Donald Draper - fascinating actor, who can look devastatingly handsome or, um, not, just because he's so morally ambiguous (I got hooked and had to watch far ahead illegally - there is a great twist coming up, featuring his mysterious past... one part of his story wrings the heartstrings, even though he is like a zombie and doesn't appear prey to normal human emotions like guilt or regret, on the surface at least. )

• The clothes! If I had my way, every man would be wearing a sharp suit and hat, every lady a lovely twinset and heels every day. Here is Rachel Menken, advertising client, looking glam (with a fag, of course.) Oh for cocktail hour and cocktail dresses in the day job.

All in all, 10 gold-tipped onyx cigarette holders out of 10.

Addicted

'Are you a net junkie?'

If you answer yes to five or more of these questions, you may have an internet addiction.

· Do you feel preoccupied with the internet? (Think about your online activity or anticipate your next online session.)

· Do you need increasing amounts of time on the net in order to achieve satisfaction?

· Have you repeatedly made unsuccessful efforts to control, cut back or stop internet use?

· Do you feel restless, moody, depressed, or irritable when attempting to cut down or stop internet use?

· Do you stay online longer than originally intended?

· Have you jeopardised or risked the loss of a significant relationship, job, educational or career opportunity because of the internet?

· Have you lied to family members, a therapist or others to conceal the extent of your involvement with the internet?

· Do you use it to escape from problems (eg, feelings of helplessness, guilt, anxiety, depression)?

(None of this applies to me. Clearly, I can give it up any time I like. )

Geek-fu ii

Who do we like for a) hosting and b) domain names?

Just, like, asking.

Get out of it

I love London but... sometimes it feels like the walls are closing in... traffic, pollution, commuting, concrete, sirens, greyness, aggressive people, every other shop a KFC assaulting your nose with foul pestilential vapours...

But the Easter hols are coming up, and I'd dearly like to go, well, somewhere else.

Secret boltholes ... Where do you go when you need to get out of it? (psst bearing in my mind that I am rather broke.)

Men are dogs, women are cats

Thought provoking post over at *cough* Todger Talk.

Which do you prefer?




(Me, I like both, so there. )

LOLs

Dear Lord. Thank you, dear P, for this link. It is highly cruel and nasty and tasteless. Basically, this guy signs into sex chatrooms 2chat then takes the conversation in an entirely different direction. Bitter, twisted, very, very, very funny...

Can I use your bathroom?

Me: When's the soonest the engineer can make it?
British Gas Lady, speaking from somewhere in the Midlands: Wednesday, between 8.00 and 1.00 pm.
Me: I'm at work then. Can I have an afternoon appointment after 4.30 pm?
BGL: The latest appointment we have is between 2.00 and 4.00 pm.

Of course. It's not like people have to, like, earn a living between those hours. It's not like they like you sloping off from school a couple of hours early either - if I take time off work, they have to book a supply who will cost in the region of £150.00 a day. Doctor's appointments, dentist, washing machine repair, all has to be done IN YOUR OWN TIME okay?

I hate the fucking boiler. Cannot count the amount of times it has broken down, but despite legions of engineers shaking their heads sorrowfully, saying 'it's really really old, it needs replacing' British Gas refuse to write it off, and the cheapskate skinflint landlord will not replace it until it has at least blown up in a scorching flaming apocalyptic Krakatoa of destruction, and taken the flat with it.

Me: Wait a minute, did you say Wednesday? That's 3 days without any hot water.
BGL: (sympathetically) I know. Now, it's because you said no hot water. Now if you'd said no heating...
Me: Can we pretend I said no heating? When could the engineer come then?
BGL: Tomorrow, probably. Nice try, fatso.

I need a shower.

Rock Against Racism

is on the 27th April, in Victoria Park (naturally,) commemorating the anniversary of the original. The whole lineup hasn't been announced - Babyshambles are playing, as is Jerry Dammers. And it's free!

I commend the whole enterprise, and the fact that they're making it free will surely pull in the punters, but if anybody wees in our backyard, I will be very cross.

the £2.00 pub

I’m coming around to the £2.00 pub. It’s true, the legless and toothless still accost you on the way to the toilets, but they also look at you as if you were Sofia Loren, Halle Berry & Scarlett Johansson rolled into one. And I’m fully drunken on (medicinal) whisky doubles at £2.00 a shot, probably cheaper than buying a whole bottle from Londis…

On the way home on the bus I while away the journey playing ‘would he rather shag them or me’ with my fellow commuters. That bloke there, with the combover, honking into a paper handkerchief – I’m pretty sure he’d choose me, now. Hah, in your face, combover man! Still, what about that cute 20 something chick in the boots reading London Lite? Suddenly my whisky high ebbs away.

Sylvie

I had a dream about Sylvie Guillem. It was in an enormous cavernous theatre, all lined in red velvet and with crazy, impossible Expressionist angles, no seating, everyone just seated on slopes. Sophie would pop out of trap doors in the ceiling and whiz down ramps, rollerskates strapped to her endless long legs. She pelted the audience with chocolate bars which came inside drawstring silk bags...

I woke up with a strong desire to go and see this goddess. She is playing at the Coliseum in April. Maybe I'll take my ex-dancer, ballet-loving friend, I think... Guess how much the tickets in the stalls, go on, just guess...

Cheapest are £75.00. So one ticket for me & one for E would be £150, for a couple of hours entertainment. It's daylight robbery. No wonder the poor can't get to the theatre, the opera, the ballet - okay, you can get a ticket in the balcony for £15.00 but you can see fuck all, the stage is miles away. You can go and see a film for £10.00 and have the best view in the house. It makes me sad though. I'm not a great ballet fan but I like to see dance now and again, it's just astronomically expensive.

Still, her barking mad website is worth checking out...

Who's reading you?

Compared with say, Alda or anybody else really, my search terms are boring - in fact I rarely get referrers from Google, why is this? What am I doing wrong?

But they're often coming from interesting places - we had someone from the Pentagon - yes, the Pentagon - visiting once (don't know about you, but it warms my heart to think that someone with their finger on the button of the military industrial complex in the most powerful country in the world passes the time between tracking missiles and terrorist plots, for example, in reading blogs).

Also from Disney (I believe it was Mickey)
Also from CBS - *waves* aren't they a big music label or something?

But the one to have brought me the most pleasure is a recent reader from the Telegraph. I used to read it in Spain because the European edition of the Guardian was quite frankly pants, as well as expensive. The Telegraph offered a lovely nostalgic vision of England, where people wrote in concerned letters about their pelargoniums. It was all reassuring for an expat, though not really a country I recognised. Welcome, Mr or Mrs Telegraph! I salute your barmy newspaper!

Who's your most interesting reader to date?

How to be a Mistress

I've been waiting for this to come out in paperback for ages. Here are the things I learned about myself reading it:

Roleplay, bootlicking, spanking - a possible yes.

Enemas, suffocation, cutting, electrocution - no, no, no *shudder*

There goes my daydream of pulling in some extra pennies by moonlighting in a dungeon. Back to the drawing board *sigh*

PS: She was a professional chef, and there is an uneasy mixture of delightful descriptions of food and stomach-turning scenes of SM. It's very well-written, on the whole.

Magic G - coming soon

I know you are all longing for more news of Magic G. I won't tease you anymore... Here's a rundown of recent events:

Tuesday: sit up frantically re-sizing, printing, re-scanning, re-sizing, numbering pages, tearing hair out and shedding a quiet tear or two when I realize I've put it together all wrong AGAIN, (I'm sure there's an easy way to do it but am fatally lacking in knowledge of layout, publishing software, etc) before finally emailing the lot off to darling RoMo to turn into PDFs and burn to a disk.

Wednesday:

• After work pick up disk from RoMo in her groovy Soho lair.
• Exchange gossip about bloggers.
• Meet Bad Sarah and get sloshed on red wine.
• Realise I've left out ____'s piece and ______'s piece.
• Sit up til 2.00 am re-scanning, re-numbering, re-sizing etc.

Thursday:

• Get up at 6.00 am. Remember that today's the day of our trip to the Museum of Childhood. Shepherd 30 highly excited & giddy 5 year olds & 7 parents around a Museum filled with a) toys and b) other schoolgroups, on 4 hours sleep and with a mild hangover.
• Get back to school.
• After school finishes, run games club.
• After games club, run up & down Bethnal Green High Road looking for an internet cafe.
• Scan new disk.
• Go to Rough Trade for last workshop.

As it turns out, Rough Trade do not need a disk as they are not doing the printing (as had assumed by the request to bring fanzine on PDF files on a disk). They are only stocking it once it's been printed.

Still, without this deadline I know I'd never have finished it. They did like it (or at least, were nice and positive about it.)

Frances (Plan B editor) said she liked the idea that something which started from people using new media (ie blogs) has been turned around to create an old style media format (ie a fanzine.)

She liked my idea that the editorship could change each issue (hint hint - yes I am a lazy arse, but it would be great if different people would take it on each time... would give it a different flavour each time... would also be a good way to increase distribution & spread the word...)

And the good news is, that Plan B, which is real proper music monthly, will run a feature on fanzines and this fanzine workshop in the future, so our little fanzine will be mentioned, and featured on their website. I'm proud of us, hope you are too.

Now, anybody know a good cheap printers?

Myths

I'm talking to P about catching up with old friends.

'W got in touch on Facebook. He said 'Let's go out and pull birds. Shhhh....'
I was like, ohhh no... It is a myth, a total myth, that two men ever go out together and pull, it just never, ever, happens. (Except maybe somewhere up North where they're really hard and copping off at the end of the night is just a given... like in Rita Sue and Bob Too, where they all go out in the car... But definitely not in London.) And even by some rare chance, if one of you does meet someone, then the other one just sits there looking at her friend, and you and the friend are like, so what are we meant to do now, while their friends are getting off with each other...

Is he right, do you reckon?