66 things

courtesy of dcver's technical advice

1. I come from a part of north London always described as leafy.

2. But my family is from East London originally.

3. Born within the sound of Bow Bells.

4. Proper Cockneys, (via Russia and Poland.)

5. To my dad, it's funny that their generation couldn't wait to get out while our generation is busy moving back in.

6. East London is worth it just for regular access to the bagel bakery on Brick Lane

7. Though we always knew them as 'beigels' (bagels = Americanisation)

8 Prefer dirty, noisy, dangerous east London to leafy north London, where life is elsewhere.

9 Our neighbours recently dropped a machete in our garden - you don't get that kind of excitement in north London.

10. We know we're home when we hear the sirens.

11. Once lived South of the river - could never get a taxi home.

12. Never lived in West London - always get lost there.

13 I have transport issues. Can't ride a bicycle. Or drive. Condemned to public transport!

14. Waiting for tricycles for adults to come into fashion.

15. Have nine lives;

16 Aged 4 saved by fireman grandfather from burning bedroom when a toy caught fire on the nightlight;

17. Aged 9 narrowly missed being squashed like a hedgehog, playing chicken with traffic on Brighton seafront;

18 Aged 15 was blown off Scafell Pike in a gale whilst camping;

19 Hmmm, only 6 more lives left...

20. Not afraid of spiders but hairdressers frighten me.

21. If I could choose, I would like to come back as a sloth

22. Kept it quiet for a long time but... I was once in a Queen video. Surprising how many people are closet Queen fans.

23 Fight a daily battle with my hair, which wants to be dreadlocks.

24 Have held four people's hands while they got tattoos and have never been tempted to get one.

25 At various times have religiously read The Beano; Tammy and Misty; Smash Hits; NME and Melody Maker; New Society; Elle and The Face; Love and Rockets and Sandman; Sight and Sound. These days my regular read is the Argos catalogue.

26. Used to eat sand.

27. Discovered blogs last June, when searching, for reasons lost to history, for 'fondant fancies' on Google brought up Green Fairy.com.

28 I love computers without understanding how they work.

29 Or telephones for that matter. Or electricity.

30 Yet will be teaching primary kids science by next term.

31 Was once glassed in the face at a wedding by a friend windmilling her arms on the dance floor to 'Dancing Queen' with a glass in her hand.

32 Shortest employment record was 10 minutes as a barmaid, after which I passed out behind the bar.

33 If I could pack up and go tomorrow, I'd go to Brazil.

34 Started off kind of socialist. Clearly leaned too far left until I fell into current totally horizontal political apathy.

35. I used to get serious insomnia.

36. Now I have trouble staying awake.

37 May start a campaign for winter hibernation for humans.

38 Stopped smoking whilst living in Spain, where it is a) very cheap and b) the national sport; a feat of almost superhuman willpower.

39 Now hooked on coffee and grouchy til my first hit.

40. My friends keep moving to faraway places (France, Greece, Spain, India, Australia, NZ, USA), good for holidays but I miss them.

41. Met my best friend when we were four. In the last year of primary, in the school play I was Dorothy and she was Glinda. We weren't speaking and spoke our lines to each other looking straight at the audience.

42. We once hitchhiked to Berlin together. Dutch lorry drivers became our heroes.

43. Born without a sense of balance (bicycles, rollerblades., skis are all instruments of terror, though I have an untested theory that I'd be a demon on a surfboard.)

44 Different people have said I look like C*h*e*r (pre-nose op era I imagine).

45. It could be worse - once nearly got in a fight in a bar when a man said I looked like Robert Smith of the Cure.

46. No offense Bob. I love you really. Especially for Just Like Heaven.

47. Usually I'm very peaceable but apparently K cider makes me violent.

48. Because normally when drunk I tell people I love them, they're my best mate, then fall asleep.

49. In the 70s my mum looked just like Nana Mouskouri.

50. To wind her up, my sister and I just had to chant 'Nana, Nana...' under our breath.

51. But secretly I think she was pleased - people used to ask for her autograph.

52. I worked as an usherette, and was instructed to "shine your torch" on people smoking illegal substances in the balcony seats during late shows.

53. Have been to IKEA on foot 3 times in my life and plan never to repeat this experience.

54 Me and my friend Claire once went out wearing identical red boiler suits. Still on the run from the fashion police to this day.

55. Aged 7, sleep-walked naked down the stairs, out the door, over the road to where my friend Madeleine lived.

56. Have never sleep-walked since but wear pyjamas just in case.

57. Can't remember my first record - it might have been 'Remember You're A Womble' (by The Wombles).

58. I have one of those faces that make people say “cheer up, love”.

59. I've been to Vietnam, but never to Scotland or Ireland.

60. Most of the jobs I've had have been in the book industry.

61. This is why I am quite poor.

62. Despite my poverty, my camping days are over.

63. These days I crave luxury. Or at least a flush toilet.

64. But my dancing days will never be over.

65. I want to start a club night for the older more discerning clubber called Hip Replacement.

66. Entrance will be via Stannah stairlift.