I've done pants, now it's time for bras.
Bras are a wonder and a mystery. In recent conversation with Em, she mentioned how they only seem to have one bra size in sunny Spain (34B I seem to recall), mysteriously the same for wispy little lace numbers and huge corset-style granny bras. Fuck it, you can see them thinking in the Spanish bra factories - size, schmize - stick another 34B on it.
Spain doesn't seem to have the modern innovation of different measurements and cup sizes either - a request for a 32C was met with a baffled 'En España, no hay. Hay en Inglaterra?' (We don't have them in Spain. Do they have them in England?!') Because women come in standard issue shapes and sizes, as we all know.
Interesting bra facts:
- 85% of women are wearing the wrong size bra (my not-at-all rigorous scientific research suggests.) I was among them, til I went to Selfridges one day and found myself upgraded from a 34B to a 30DD. DD! I was one happy bunny, til I found this size is impossible to find.
'If you can't find a 30DD, go up two inches in the measurement and down one in the cup size' said the saleslady. Bra physics is an arcane and complex branch of mathematics, into which I feel there has been insufficient research.
- Rigby and Peller make the Queen's bras, though since no one has ever seen them, probably not even Prince Phillip, I don't know why this should impress us. Apparently the highly trained staff don't even need a measuring tape, they just take a quick look and can find you the perfect size. I bet that's one skill they never expected to have on their CV.
- The world's most expensive bra is $15 million, though it may be made from rubies and diamonds, it still looks like something you might see on a Vegas stripper.
- When some little tinker stole my credit card details last year, they went on a shopping spree and got an £80 haircut in a Glasgow salon, stereo equipment, and tried unsuccessfully to buy out the entire stock of Figleaves, a shopping site which is underwear nirvana. I applaud their good taste, I would have done exactly the same.
- Madonna's conical fifties style rocket bra, designed by Jean Paul Gaultier for her Blonde Ambition tour, nearly had a backing dancer's eye out. (Actually I made that one up.)
- Elle Macpherson's bras are great, though Kylie Minogue's, not so much. But my favourite (despite the name) are Princesse Tam Tams.
Bonus link if you have read this far: this site is hilarious.
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17 comments:
I doubt I could comment on this post without appearing to be a hopeless perv.
So I will just day, the people who do the Queen's bras. One question: pink or brown?
Billy - get a grip.
I'm still giggling about Realdoc's pointing out the acronym of the British Association of Plastic Surgeons. Maybe I should email Dribbleglass.
My aunt refuses, or is unable, to accept the concept of cup size. Over the years she has stuck to a B cup and just increased the measurement around her ribcage (she is easily a D). She wonders why the bra strap is up between her shoulderblades! being elderly, she also refuses to be measured.
Ooh, I *love* Princesse Tam-Tam (although my favourite is still Lejaby, although the Lejaby of four or five years ago rather than any of the current collections) - I've got this pink and brown (I know, that sounds horrible, but it's lovely) toile de Jouy bra and knickers from them, which I love.
I'm looking forward to the day when I can afford knickers from Damaris, the ones with the huge satin bows on the back that mean you can only wear them while lolling about semi-unclothed in your well-appointed luxury apartment.
Sorry, went on a bit there. I just really love underwear.
Apparently the ladies in Johnny Loo Loo's are also very good at measuring ladybumps. There is a rumour that the same two ladies work in all theJohnny Loo Loo's and utilise dimensional gateways to travel between them.
I wonder if I'm wearing the wrong size...
*gets tape measure out*
At work, I've just been fixing a program which wouldn't work when a product had more than 39 sizes.
The product concerned was a bra, and it had over 40 different sizes available!
(I'm liking my word verification: "flutnob"!)
You should read this by our old friend Daisy Garnet from the NY Times.
Sorry Daisy, that should be Garnett.
Billy - yikes! It's like imagining Her on the toilet.
Mangonel - I like to think the surgeons sat around giggling and coming up with the best acronym.
Llewtrah, aw... that's a tragic story. (It also reminds me of my nana's bloomers, which were so enormous they were more like shorts which went down to the knees.)
Patroclus, I know the ones - my current favourite is coffee-and-aqua coloured, which is also prettier than it sounds. Oooooooh, Damaris. Everybody, click on that link IMMEDIATELY. It's like the anti-Ann Summers, sexy and classy at the same time. Something else to want that I can't afford.
Rad - ladybumps, hahahaha! That would've been a better title for this post. How do you know about Johnny Loulou's then? Is it the breadknife's favourite?
Anxious, get thee to Johnny LouLou's. 39 sizes!? That is what I call choice. They wouldn't believe it in Barcelona...
Thanks the Curve, that's a lovely article (though of that ilk of posh rich London girls who footle around in the glossy magazines, bastards.) I refuse to believe that her parens were cruel enough to name her Poupie Cadolle though. Oh, to have a hand-made bra. Patroclus, the shop is in France though... for interested parties: Cadolle, 255 rue St-Honoré, Paris (0033 1 42 60 94 94)
Mmmm... Bras... It's good to see other bloggers writing about the issues that really matter to me.
When I retire, I'm going to run a nice little country pub and I'm going to call it The Queen's Norks.
Keep meaning to get Measured but a story my mum told me keeps haunting me, about a narky lady in Marks 'n' Sparks informing her loudly that the left one was this size and the right one was that size so she should decide which one she was prepared to let sag. Urk.
I love bras, also a fan of those with big billowing silk bows, but I have to have two sets for different times of the month. Which is great, actually, cos I get to buy more...
Hi LC - it's patriotic, yet irreverent - I like it. Gawd bless her, and all who sail in her...
Hi Violet (if I may call you Violet) - hahahaha! Your poor mum, yet I can't help laughing! She was a bitch, that saleslady. Good lord - there is some, ahem, variation, but not enough to need 2 different sets!
It seems that my mother was so broken by this she just decided to let both sag. M&S beeyatch. And yes, of course you may call me violet - it's the username I wanted anyway but had to add some bumf on the end as it was already taken. Like the blog by the way, especially for use of the word 'tinker' to describe a credit card fraudster.
Posts about boobies! Great!
Erm...
Do the boys have to post about...
Er..
You know?
cheers Violet, I like yours too - I think I recognise your profile picture from comics...
Del, I think it's only fair.
Yes Annie, the Breadknifes fave shop for over the shoulder boulder holders. :)
I went to Rigby & Peller the other week to get my bridal undies and the woman just looked at me and told me I was a 32D. Now I've been wearing a 36C for the past couple of years, so that was something of a shock. It seems that I've grown and shrunk at the same time...
I'm not entirely convinced that this just looking at you thing is right coz I tried on at least 5 of the bras the woman gave me and only 1 fitted properly.
Are bras like shops in that different makes claim to be a standard size but actually aren't?
Now it doesn't matter what bra I wear, they all seem bloody uncomfortable. Help!
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