Aargh. I have just had a passport photo done for a part-time holiday job in a museum. In it I look like the mutant cockeyed halfwit love-child of someone off Prisoner Cell Block H and the Elephant Man. I look like one of those Victorian phrenology pictures of 'The Criminal Type', like Mr Hyde's twin sister, like Marty Feldman in an Afro wig with a sex change. To sum up, it's not pretty. Thank God it's not for my actual passport, I couldn't live with it for another ten years.
The new passport photo machines would make Kate Moss look like a gargoyle (I tell myself)- they seem to zoom in closer on your face than anyone not doing a medical procedure on you has a right to go, plus you are no longer allowed to hide behind your hair or smile or show teeth or something.
There's nothing worse than seeing a highly unflattering photo of yourself (you know, apart from homelessness, war, disease & famine, etc.) It made me down-hearted all the way home, til I had the idea that maybe I should start up a Flickr group called My Passport Shame and post it, and share the misery. There's far too many shiny good-looking people already on the internet, they want to make room for some of us ugly bastards... *
* Update - no longer a possibility, as it's now in the bin. I'm not vain, but it just had to go. Still thinking about the Flickr group, though. I can see it taking off like Uglydress.com.
** See RoMo's Munterspace for elaboration
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6 comments:
Ugh, I sympathise. I hate passport photos with a passion. They say, if you look like your passport photo, you're too ill to travel.
Oh now Miss Slammers - stop that! You are gorgeous and lovely it's just that those machines are crap. I had to get one done for my son and I might as well of turned up at the airport with a balloon in a t-shirt with two stick-on currants for eyes. He didn't look human at all - he didn't even have a nose or mouth in the photo - it was ridiculous. Now I understand how children must be trafficked so easily! Anyway - if it's any consolation I had to ditch my one last year as I looked like The Singing Detective in need of lashings of Frizzease. Frightful. xx
Oh how I share your sentiments - I hate 99.9% of all photos taken of me ... passport machines or not.
I really like the idea of the Flickr group, though.
I'm really happy with my current passport photo. It's about five years old, from a time when I could just about summon my rapidly receding hairline into something approaching a quiff; I'd been training for a charity race, so my weight was down and I had good cheekbones. I had no spots and I'd even remembered to clean my glasses.
The contrast with the flabby, blotchy slaphead who waves it at immigration officers is rather depressing.
Wait a minute.. Kate Moss does look like a gargoyle..
Am I missing something?
Billy, right, or too unattractive to be welcome in the country...
Cheers RoMo, glad it's not just me. Especially as your son is gorgeous, and takes a lovely photo usually. I know I'm not hideous really, just woefully un-photogenic, which is no good for the online dating really...
Alda, I'm sure you're gorgeous too. I wish I could take a good photo once in a while - I've found from a distance and in black and white is usually best...
Tim darling, you are nowhere near a flabby, blotched slaphead, but it did make me laugh. Hang onto that passport - and if possible, cut out the photo and paste it into the new one.
Timbo, she is looking a bit rough around the edges I grant you, but gargoyle is a bit harsh. (If you prefer, insert 'beautiful person of your choice' for that comparison to make sense.)
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