There are plenty of friendly, and fairly neutral, if not particularly sexy, words we can use about men's bits - dick, johnson, etc etc etc - I could go on.
But women do not have this luxury. Either their words are ridiculous and faintly reminiscent of phone-line chat, like pussy, (in Spanish it's conejo, or bunny) or starkly Victorian and medical-sounding, like vagina. Or else the worst swear word you can use in the English language - sisters, let us reclaim the word cunt from swearitude! Cuntcuntcuntcuntcunt! There, I feel a lot better.
(The Spaniards must think we are ludicrously repressed or hopelessly misogynistic, as their translation of this word is a mild term which I have heard old ladies blithely using, eg 'Que coño es ese?' I heard one saying, to my delight and admiration - English translation; what the hell is that? or as they say in Spain, what the cunt is that?)
Or else they get called by coy and foolish names, like fu-fu or, as it was growing up in our house, nu-nu. This is no way to think of your family jewels, and surely will warp your sexuality in later life. So I throw the gauntlet down to you, reader - somewhere out there, you must have heard a friendly, neutral, non-medical non-misogynistic non-porn sounding word for it?
44 comments:
My uncle says "coño" quite a lot and we should use / adopt that. Were you aware that the word for 'thief' in Cornish is 'ladron'?
Indigenous languages of the British Isles have nicked foreign words before so why not now?
...no. I've had two gins. I'm going to wait till the morning.
The women on mumsnet use 'fanjo', which is ridiculous if not reminiscent of phone-line chat...
I like the French 'con', it is pretty sexist as it means idiot, but it's not the worst swear ever so it's an improvement, kind of.
I say cunting hell quite a lot which I'm told is very bad but I don't care.
Interesting that the Spanish word means "bunny". I've read that the english country word for a rabbit, "coney" (which was apparently pronounced "cunny" rather than rhyming with "phoney")fell into disuse because it could easily be mistaken for cunt.
I think the Brits probably ARE ludicrously repressed. I blame Queen Victoria.
I used to call it Harriet Harman but I was going through a phase of low self esteem.
Thankfully nobody has so far suggested calling it a "vajajay".
http://www.nytimes.com/2007/10/28/fashion/28vajayjay.html
WTF is wrong with calling it vagina? Penis, vagina, penis, vagina. Call things by their names.
I want to open a pub called the "Cock & Cunt".
Arabella - hahahaha! v low self-esteem.
Bah, useless! You're all fired.
I always thought fanny was a great word.
Don't you dare reclaim the word cunt from swearitude. You do that and I'll have lost 50% of my vocabulary! :D
Fanny - very retro & seventies. You don't get many literary heroines called Fanny any more, I wonder why?
tee hee! Good point, Rad.
Ah yes, I used to struggle to find an appropriate word to use in the heat of the moment - some girls are OK with cunt, but most aren't. I can't say pussy without sounding like I'm doing a bad porn-actor impression, and everything else just sounds a bit silly.
Although not ideal, I find that muff, box and minge can be used without too much embarrassment or giggling.
Most women, I have learned, do not like it when you refer to it as their "stinky little fuck-hole".
*gets coat*
LC - get off moi land! *brandishes shotgun*
Okay, I will accept muff. But minge is unacceptable.
Sorry - but I agree wholeheartedly that it's definitely a problem we need to solve.
Box is OK, surely?
The New York Times agree too, according to Matt's link.
Nnnnnyyess, box is fine. A bit bland, maybe?
Okay, I clearly have to make a decision. I hereby decree that we will now call it 'biscuit.' Okay with everybody?
Baby-cave?
Yes, that's officially the most offensive word in the English language and Boobs is probably the lightest swear word, one certainly wouldn't call them boobies before the queen. Pope called them boobies, Chaucer used the word cunt, just spelt it horribly wrong from our vantage point. The lines, I think are the ones from The Knyght's Tale
For in the bussh he sitteth now ful stille.
Whan that Arcite hadde romed al his fille,
And songen al the roundel lustily,
Into a studie he fil sodeynly,
As doon thise loveres in hir queynte geres,
Now in the crope, now doun in the breres,
Now up, now doun, as boket in a welle.
Right as the Friday, soothly for to telle,
Now it shyneth, now it reyneth faste,
Right so kan geery Venus overcaste
The hertes of hir folk; right as hir day
Is gereful, right so chaungeth she array.
LC - hahahahahahaha! Hahaha! Excellent.
Rehan - maybe we should all adopt Chaucerian dialect.
I agree with LC, Muff's good. But couldn't be used when shagging without provoking fits of laughter. Pussy... Well you'd need to say it with a Dutch accent wouldn't you? As for Stinky little fuck hole, I can't see what the problem is. You wimmin need to lighten up!
"Stinky little fuck hole" is slang for John Prescott. That's why wimmin get offended.
Mimsy?
I don't like "vagina"* – not an appealing word, plus it means "sheath". Erm.
Cunny I like but can't use with a straight face. Nor lady parts. It has to be "cunt".
Jonathan Green's dictionary of slang may be of use to you – the British are not the least repressed about these things, in my experience. We have a vast vocabulary for all things "rude". Like the fabled (and nonexistent) eskimos and snow.
* ha haha!
This biscuit's a bit stale! :D
"cat bag"!
Yeah, I've always struggled to use a word in the heat of passion. You always sound ridiculous. So I just say "down there." That covers most bases, and also sounds flirtier for some reason. A bit less specific, so you keep your options open. So to speak.
Comedywise, nothing beats "mimsy".
I think a convention, or was it a commission, has already met and pronounced on the matter. It has been concluded that "front bottom" is the most suitable, neutral and, I think you'll agree, sexy term there is.
I have never heard of mimsy before. I reckon it falls into the coy category. 'Cat bag' is almost as good as 'twinkle'.
Interesting that the boys are all thinking of what you call it whilst jigging - what about the rest of the time?
Nothing more sexy than front bottom, darling BiB.
>>>the boys are all thinking of what you call it whilst jigging - what about the rest of the time?
Why on earth would we be talking about girls' quedges under any other circumstances except jigging?
Any conversation about gash that takes place outside of the bedroom is more than likely to involve some sort of complex girl-plumbing issues and/or sanitary products which, frankly, we'd prefer not to talk about.
Aaargh!!! Gash!!! Gash is far worse than cunt. Good grief! Just when we begin to think you might be human after all...
Um... sorry to point out the bleeding obvious, but who cares what the boys call it? It's us ladies who need a word for it. It's you lot who got us into this lexical mess in the first place. Don't make me throw a hardback copy of Backlash at your head.
Haha! The patriachal conspiracy to deprive women of a word for their genitals that's not too rude, not too clinical, not too funny, not too hateful, or just not quite right has been a complete success! Victory is ours brothers! In your face, Greer!
Um... sorry to point out the bleeding obvious, but who cares what the boys call it?
Well you did ask! Honestly, we can't win can we? Call it what you want. It won't change my, or I would imagine any other man's, affection for it. Er. Apart from maybe gay men.
Hmmm. Maybe that's the solution! What do lesbians call it?
Point taken Del. No arguing with a woman...
I am kidding, though this debate is less frivolous than it seems. I'm thinking of the kids I work with, for example. If you have female children, what word do you teach them? Should kids not have any words to talk about this? If you're uncomfortable at the thought of using any of these words to a kid, surely that means it has negative associations... and won't this create problems in itself? Words matter...
(I should point out here that sex education is not in my remit. Thank god.)
A week ago I heard a kid (who at the time was wearing his school uniform, and may I add, local to the Watford area) refer to it as "flange".
I'm sure you've realised by now that this particular post has lots of longevity to it, comments wise?
What have you started?
I was messing as well. But yeah, I see where you're coming from. Although I can't see a huge difference between the sexes on that one. I'd probably tell my son to call it a willy and my daughter to call it a fanny. That's what we said at school.
Naturally, I wouldn't have that conversation with the children myself, I'd leave that to the missus while I was down the pub, etc.
Istvanski - flange, tee hee! I know, this one will run... Nice new picture, by the way.
Del, right! Or better yet, leave it to their teachers, they always love that conversation...
Quim!
God,it's like having Tourette's.
If you ever needed to say anything to a kid then say 'parts' Parts is universal!
I've heard a girl refer to it as her 'Woo Woo'. This sounded harmless enough until somebody else asked what she meant, to which she would reply "my c**t".
It's probably a geographical thing, but around here it's not uncommon to be referred as 'beef curtains'.
Beef curtains! Hilarious! I remember translating that into French once, on some silly occasion, and the Frenchman I did it for laughed liked a drain.
I'm with Del on the neutral willy and fanny. I remember hearing grown-up friends deciding that those were to be the words they'd tell their children to call it which is, if I attempt to be semi-serious for a sec, interesting, though, because fanny, I think, also started out as a rudish word whereas I don't think willy has ever had a naughty connotation.
Darling, if I attempt to be semi-serious for a second sec, tell me why it is there's no serious-but -not-too-clinical name for a vadge. One male friend of mine was always claiming women weren't as in love with their mimsies as much as men were with their boysticks. I am, alas, not an expert in nu-nu matters, so tell me if my friend is talking nonsense or not.
*assumes Scots accent*
The Mighty Boosh
Quim is funny. Erica Jong had it as her car numberplate.
Bedshaped, Beef Curtains makes me laugh - it reminds me of Spaced, when Daisy goes for an interview at a woman's magazine called Flaps.
Boysticks! hahaha! Love it! BiB, I think your friend is absolutely right. Maybe it's because we can't have who-can-pee-highest-up-the- wall competitions with them, or maybe it's actually connected with the words (or lack of words) to talk about them. We don't love our Mighty Booshes (thanks Anonymous) as much because we learn early on that they are swear words, or something to giggle at, something taboo anyway.
I like Mighty Boosh. Imagine if they were known as that, it would engender a sense of pride, and confer a sense of majesty on them. Which is as it should be, really.
Also, muchos money is spent persuading women that their mimsies need to be douched with chlorox etc, rather than left well alone, so that doesn't exactly encourage affection.
Bits. Boy bits and Girl bits. Fixed.
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