I'm in an internet cafe, there is a stern sign on the wall in front of me which says 'Notice - No Viewing Pornography'. Who goes to an internet cafe to watch porn? (I'd upload a photo for you, but not allowed to upload photos.) This is what I've been reduced to. I miss the internet. I miss my dusty antique piece of shit computer. *sniff*
Anyways, I am dreading the requisite trip to IKEA. IKEA is somewhat sinister. I don't like the way you can't see daylight inside, and get a little panicky when the exits are so cunningly hidden. It's hell on earth for non-drivers, I seem to remember walking over motorways to get there and after 5 hours wandering lost inside coming out with a curtain pole and a packet of picture hooks. Another time I got a taxi back, the driver was from Afghanistan, he'd left because of the war. What a bizarre life story, from being driven out of your home by the Taliban to ferrying flat pack Swedish furniture around the M25 all day.
It's strange, you dream of one day having your own place and never having to put up with the dodgy landlord's dodgy furniture ever again, but now it comes to it, it suddenly seems like a big job. I wish some little elves would come in overnight and fix the place up for me while I slept.
I seem to be rambling somewhat, I do apologise. Have been waiting in for people & haven't seen anybody much (apart from Mr Plumber, etc etc - oh, and apart from a fabulous lunch with the ladies which ended up in a debauched night in, Bad Sarah providing entertainment with a most excellent floor-show to Kanye West's Gold-digger, cheers Bad Sarah).
How is your summer going?
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18 comments:
swimmingly.
there's been lots of rain.
i dream of the day when i have a nice empty space to fill with flat pack furniture. in my current abode the walls are yellow, the carpets green and the couches pink. it's no wonder i feel hungover all the time.
My sympathies. If it's any consolation, it's (roughly) scarf-and-gloves weather in Berlin.
I know your internet access isn't ideal, but can you IKEA-shop online? And then make your dad come over and do everything while you make him tea and tell him to hoik his trousers up?
It isn't actually compulsory to go to Ikea y'know. there's plenty of nice stuff on Gumtree, or you could try the Lots Rd salerooms (or similar, not sure they are actually still on Lots Rd). Unless of course you actually really like Ikea furniture in which case just look at the Ikea website and order online?
Having just come from this post on GSE's blog, her comment that 'there's plenty of nice stuff on Gumtree' is really making me laugh.
But yes, and there's also plenty of good stuff on ebay.
Do you drive at all, Annie? If you do, hiring a big van and filling it with furniture is one of life's great pleasures. I think so, anyway.
I so know that feeling. Speaking of which I should probably get back to work.
Who views porn in an internet cafe? Those who can't view it at home.Freaks. Those with no shame. I used to work in an internet cafe years ago and OMG - you couldn't imagine the stuff people look up in public! I used to have to clear this histories and....lets just say.....it was an education.
Yesterday I spent five hours in a car driving back from a wedding with a steaming hangover. Then when we finally reached London my GF made me go to IKEA - where she promptly threw a massive tantrum when she found out they could only deliver our new stuff on a Tuesday.
It was the best day ever.
And said without a hint of sarcasm.
Once, many years ago, we broke our long car jouney north from the (my)in-laws place to visit Ikea with the intention of purchasing a plastic recorder (price £2.50) for number 2 daughter, to match the one given to her older sister by my MiL. When we came out we had, somewhat inexplicably, spent around £150. Bloody Ikea!
(Also: Grr, she better be a concert flautist when she grows up!)
Ikea has arrows on the floor that you are meant to follow so you don't get lost and/or end up in the cafe purchasing a mysterious snack called Keflakad. I can't follow the arrows because I find it difficult to follow rules. Then I get panicky because all I really want to do is go down to the marketplace to buy things you don't really want like 10 teatowels with moominpapa hippo's on them in lime green and a bag of tealights and a duvet cover that doesn't fit any conventional size of duvet in existence in the world. Somehow you end up teetering on the edge of a slide that goes straight into the ballpit with 45 toddlers which is where you really don't want to be at all. I shudder at the thought of the yellow and blue clad twin chimneys on the North Circular I really do.
I went to V Festival on Saturday. If Ikea was a festival, I'd imagine that's kind of what it would look like.
I have red hair again.
When are you going to have a housewarming so we can trash your new place?
90% humidity.
Austin (well, Round Rock) got an Ikea last year. People lurv it, especially the cheap dogs.
OMG. I am mortified. You're welcome? I felt like a rats ass next day. Good times:)
You do grow out of Ikea when you get a bit older and yearn for something a bit more substantial in the furniture line...But I will never grow out of Swedish meatballs, fries and gravy in the restaurant (Pass on the Lingenberry sauce). Very yummy!
Yes, well P - not that particular nice stuff for sure. Although purchaser of bed #1 seemed pretty thrilled - so thrilled in fact that he tipped me an extra fiver on top of the purchase price of £25.
Have you had a wander up and down Tottenham Court Road - there are many furniture outlets there of varying prices. Places like Cargo have some fairly cheap stuff.
Rosie, all the more reason to stay in bed hey? *cough*
BiB, aw, sweet. If only you knew my dad, I've inherited a lack of DIY skillz from him.
GSE, I know, I have a lovely fantasy of picking up quirky, individual pieces from antiques shops, French flea markets etc, but if I wait til I find the IDEAL PERFECT items I'll be sitting amongst the cardboard boxes til I'm eighty.
Patroclus no, can't drive (yet) *hangs head in shame* I would love to do this.
Lottie - ew! I hope they provided you with surgical gloves when clearing the caches.
LC - ha! That has cheered me up. Well if you will chose domesticated bliss...
Marsha - exactly! That's why they seal off the exits and make it hard to leave. I wouldn't mind but their advertising seems to suggest that shopping there is a spiritually uplifting and cleansing experience, when in fact it turns normal people into axe murderers.
RoMo - Moominpappa hippos! Right, I have to go now.
Del - ha! Good analogy - is it V for Virgin? You are more than welcome to come round and drink beer whilst the cupboard boxes are in situ - hey, let's have a mini blogmeet round mine, and you can all tell me where to put the furniture (if I ever get any.)
Arabella, people in Edmonton loved it so much they RIOTED when it opened (no joke.)
Don't be mortified Sar, you have a talent, don't be modest. ;-)
Hi Cluracan. Are you named Cluracan after a character in Sandman comics, by any chance? Meatballs are one of those things that I am deprived of as a vege. Another reason to turn carnivore...
GSE, I've been haunting Tottenham Court Road. My big need at the moment is shelves/storage, and it's a choice between bankruptingly expensive and wobbly student tat.
yes.
*smirk*
Spot on with the name source...
My sympathies on your vegeterianism, the meatballs are the only thing that make Ikea bearable for me
Good luck with the furniture shopping
check out Muji for low cost and much cooler than Ikea shelves
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