This post brought to you by the downstairs neighbour's dogs:
BARKBARKBARK. BARKBARKBARKBARK. BARK BARK. BARK. BARK BARK. BARKBARKBARK. BARKBARKBARK. BARKBARKBARKBARK. BARK BARK. BARK. BARK BARK. BARKBARKBARK. BARKBARKBARK. BARKBARKBARKBARK. BARK BARK. BARK. BARK BARK. BARKBARKBARK. BARKBARKBARK. BARKBARKBARKBARK. BARK BARK. BARK. BARK BARK. BARKBARKBARK. BARKBARKBARK. BARKBARKBARKBARK. BARK BARK. BARK. BARK BARK. BARKBARKBARK. BARKBARKBARK. BARKBARKBARKBARK. BARK BARK. BARK. BARK BARK. BARKBARKBARK.
BARK.
* Where were the fucking dogs when I was looking around the place? Sedated? On an out of town trip? Fuck. What now?
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3 days ago
17 comments:
Darling, it's very simple. You hire a sniper.
...just to frighten them with a pop-gun or something, I mean. On a permanent basis. Could work out expensive, actually.
Yes, the thought of guns did cross my mind disturbingly quickly.
I've been having fantasies about a kind farmer (actually I could just end the sentence there) who will dog-nap them for me, and take them away to run around barking happily on his farm, far away where I CAN'T HEAR THEM...)
Oh, wonderful. We have a night-loving BARK BARK BARKing downstairs neighbour's German Shepherd. Naturally we are the ones to blame by the other neighbours, because we have a not-barking day-loving old lady dog, who looks a bit like a BARKing one.
Capture it and sell it to the nearest takeaway.
The perfect crime.
I used to get that. Then I invited the neighbours in for a cuppa. We sat down with genteel cups of tea and their dogs started barking.
"That always happens when you're out," we explained, trying not to sound to bitchy, "it's not too bad except when you're on night shift ....".
They were mortified and gave their dogs the run of the thei garden from then on.
llewtrah - that's a really good idea
You might sympathise with Billy Collins: Another reason I don't keep a gun in the house.
Put your stereo on really loud. Then wait for them to complain. Point out that you have to play your stereo so loud because they're cunts and their dogs are cunts too. Job done.
Oh Annie - I know now what you mean after we heard all night on Sunday. It's the fucking owners fault for not walking them and exhausting them. Have a word...
What Rad said, but play Who Let The Dogs Out by the Baha Men.
Or Dogs Were Barking by Gogol Bordello.
Hi Taiga! oh noes! Poor innocent non-barky dog.
Stevious, I would, but one of them is a monstrous Hound of the Baskervilles type animal. I might have to hire an elephant tranquilliser gun.
Llewtrah, this is the trouble - when he's in, they are good as gold. I met him on Tuesday, and he said 'You don't know all the history...' 'Er, what history?'
Apparently the last tenant was so aggravated by the noise he took him to court and he had the dogs taken away from him. But since the tenant moved out, he's just gone and got two new dogs. Contravening the housing association rules, again. Doh! Why can't he have cats? I wouldn't mind cats.
Anne - ha! I'm not alone... I went on a message board called Moms Who Think, there seem a lot of options, including an operation they can have to de-bark the dog.
Del, Rad - You Ain't Nothing But A Hound Dog? Black Dog? Diamond Dogs? Dog Eat Dog? I Wanna Be Your Dog?
Poor puppies. They are probably just lonely. Ear plugs?
Poor puppies my arse. Poor Annie. Annie I can't believe what he told you about having the dogs taken away etc or indeed that he was stupid enough to tell you. Is he a tenant? Because if so, you can probably complain to the housing association about this and I would imagine if you went to court you'd have no trouble - replacing the dogs after they'd been removed by court order is totally taking the piss.
Tell him to get Bazenjis - they can't bark naturally.
Debarking is exceptionally cruel though.
oh btw, I'm not sure if you are buying or renting but if you bought and the previous owner didn't disclose that he or his tenant took downstairs to court then you have a case against him.
GSE, you are a genius. That's a very good point which I hadn't thought of.
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