So, my continued shunning of the UK's press (& TV news) has resulted in a total ignorance of what's going on the world, when they declare World War III, I'm relying on you lot to let me know.
There are a few papers I graze occasionally though, which give me an interestingly skewed perspective on the events that matter to humanity:
Hackney Gazette:
(sample headlines 'Baby's body found in garden' 'Teenager stabbed in face' Somebody wants to do a Hackney Gazette headline generator, like the Daily Mail headline generator - it would feature the words 'crack den' and 'knifing' quite a lot.)
East End Life: (published by Tower Hamlets council)
Sample headlines 'Nominate Your Local Heroes' 'Model Citizens In The Making'
Life is great! This is the best of all possible worlds! We're so busy doing community work, improving our schools, cutting hospital waiting times and halving crime figures! Hurrah!
East End Life is like the alter ego of the Hackney Gazette. The stupid thing is, even though I know I'm being manipulated, it's so relentlessly cheery and positive that reading it does cheer me up.
Metro -( free rag distributed by the (allegedly) evil Associated Newspapers Ltd)
Sample article: 'Are you the fit blonde girl I saw on the Bakerloo Line at half past six on Friday evening? You were wearing a red top and black trousers, our eyes locked over my copy of The Da Vinci Code and now I can't stop thinking about you...'
I'm actually ashamed, now I come to think of it. Nothing for it, will have to start listening to Radio 4 again...
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10 comments:
I'm James Mason! I think I love you Annie!
We have our own versions of the Hackney Gazette and the East End Life. They are both inane to the point of chloroform.
Wyndham, some of them I had to think about, but yours I knew right away.
Billy, the Hackney Gazette is not so much inane as spine-chilling...
I have no comment to make on the headlines in the Hackney Gazette.
Jean Seberg! xx
Darling, yes, Radio 4. I'm listening to it this second. In fact, I only ever really listen to Radio 4 and Slaminsky compilations.
Gene Kelly!
You complete babe!
Violet, I know you are not responsible...
Taiga, without knowing what you look like, this is how I picture you.
BiB - cheers! Radio 4 is like how England should really be & isn't, all civilized and reasonable...
Greavsie - I love Gene, especially in Singin' In The Rain.
I can't believe people actually write in to the Metro and send in messages like that: I was the shy guy who dropped his umbrella when you smiled at me on the opposite platform Harrow On the Hill yesterday at 08:24am - we only get one chance in life and this was it and I'm kicking myself now. I would love to get to know you better.
You see - it's so easy to a make them up! I'd love to write those for a living. The Cathy and Clare of the Metro. What a load of old piffle. xx
RoMo, I know - but why do they write them, there is no contact number or email or anything? It's a mystery.
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