You hear a lot about love, it's all people go on about, being in love, so many songs, films, books, blog posts on the subject, it makes you giddy... but not so much about NOT being in love.* People's eyes light up if you have some gossip for them about new relationships, in a way that they just don't if the subject is a new job...
And what's so great about being in love? Sure, it can make you euphoric and high, but it can also make you psychotic... have butterflies, lose weight, lose sleep... make you miserable, make you obsessed, make you paranoid. I reckon it's a trick played by the body on the mind, a ploy that Nature has come up with to make us mate: in the first flush of it you have all those hormones rushing around your system looking to party, and when that's worn off, you're lucky if you can even stand the person who was once on that pedestal. (I'm coming around more to the arranged marriage style of things, though clearly it also has pitfalls.)Call me a cynic, but it reminds me of having really bad 'flu - this thing possesses you for a while and when it's gone, you forget entirely what it's like.
So why do we feel like we're missing out if we're not in love? Some French film critic whose name I forget famously said that the Hollywood film is 'a machine for creating the couple' and you could say the same for the whole discourse of romance. Am I an old cynic - is it a big propaganda cooked up for the continuation of the species, or what?
* this is why this is named after Norah Jones' tune - I like it because it sounds like a love song about NOT being in love - go, Norah!
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13 comments:
Damn, this is intolerable - I write a long, well-thought out comment, then try to publish and Blogger: "switched to Beta? Log in again..." and my comment is gone! Argh!!
The gist of it: Yes, Annie, you're an old cynic. ;)
It IS possible to find your perfect mate, if you believe it is. I had to kiss a lot of frogs before I met mine, but now, 11 years later, we're still totally in love. That said, we often talk about how lucky we are, because finding someone who is your favourite company in the world AND who you continue to fancy is pretty rare. But not impossible!
I don't think I crave or miss the gooiness of being in love, but I think being in a loving relationship (living side-by-side in peace and security) is a good thing. The other can be a life-ally, sharing the burden of the day-to-day. They can be a nightmare too, of course. A lot depends on luck, perhaps, but I think there are also love-skills, and you've got to be (unconsciously) willing to love and be loved.
My apologies. I don't know your love-sitch, but I'm guessing, from what you write, you're not currently with an other. Brace yourself for lurve, if that's the case, and I'm sure it'll come careering your way.
It has to be said that the silly, can't think about anyone else/can't keep our hands off each other phase of love tends to die out after about eighteen months. A good thing, too - you'd end up being mad, and driving the people around you mad as well!
There is an idea that love will make your life complete, but there are still the same problems in life for people, regardless of whether they're in relationships or not.
Put simply, romance is wasted on the romantics.
Alda - I think it's some weird, social 'divide and rule' thing that Blogger are experimenting with... they say it's technical but I reckon they want to see if they can start a civil war between Old and New in the blogosphere...
anyway... I want to say 'aaaaah!' good for you Alda! But on the other hand, do you realise the pressure this puts on the rest of us?!
BiB, I do understand people love each other - I'm not such an old cynic as that - guess I was more thinking about the Romeo&Juliet, Ant&Cleo, Troilus&Cressida, Jordan&PeterAndre type of amour which is seen as the benchmark of relationships. (And um, wish I could say more but won't kiss and tell here...)
Betty - right right right - it's probably similar to 'I've been poor and miserable, I've been rich and miserable; rich was better.' Sometimes it seems like romance and relationships are seen as the answer to everything and it's constantly in your face...
Billy - spoken like a true cynic ;-)
Oh, go on, kiss and tell. That's what blogging's for (sort of).
BiB, I ... can't... you'll get me in trouble...
It's all an ego thing. When you're in love you have someone telling you how great you are all the time. "I love you!" Oh, he loves me! I am awesome, I love him too!
Hi Annie! You're so right... but then, what's unrequited love all about?
It's the opposite. "He doesn't love me! I am nothing!"
And hello Annie! You should know that I feel some kind of affinity with you based on your first name — the greatest name in the world.
Me too Annie - we rule!
Annie, I think the key is to relax and take the 'pressure' issue out of the equation entirely. Just try to live life. You know?
I know Alda - only teasing :-)
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