Me: When's the soonest the engineer can make it?
British Gas Lady, speaking from somewhere in the Midlands: Wednesday, between 8.00 and 1.00 pm.
Me: I'm at work then. Can I have an afternoon appointment after 4.30 pm?
BGL: The latest appointment we have is between 2.00 and 4.00 pm.
Of course. It's not like people have to, like, earn a living between those hours. It's not like they like you sloping off from school a couple of hours early either - if I take time off work, they have to book a supply who will cost in the region of £150.00 a day. Doctor's appointments, dentist, washing machine repair, all has to be done IN YOUR OWN TIME okay?
I hate the fucking boiler. Cannot count the amount of times it has broken down, but despite legions of engineers shaking their heads sorrowfully, saying 'it's really really old, it needs replacing' British Gas refuse to write it off, and the cheapskate skinflint landlord will not replace it until it has at least blown up in a scorching flaming apocalyptic Krakatoa of destruction, and taken the flat with it.
Me: Wait a minute, did you say Wednesday? That's 3 days without any hot water.
BGL: (sympathetically) I know. Now, it's because you said no hot water. Now if you'd said no heating...
Me: Can we pretend I said no heating? When could the engineer come then?
BGL: Tomorrow, probably. Nice try, fatso.
I need a shower.
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12 comments:
Can't you somehow sabotage the boiler so it breaks and then they have to replace it?
I've been planning to this to our fridge for 2 years now. Difference is, I wouldn't need an afternoon off to replace that.
Hmm, interesting. Do you think I can sabotage it without blowing myself up in the process?
Make sure it is all turned off won't you? I'm all worried now. You can get a non-British Gas engineer out and get them to condemn it if it is that old. Once it has been condemned your (evilslum) landlord is legally bound to do something about it. Turn it all off and keep your flat well ventilated in the meantime x
If I knew how do, I'd do it for you.
Stick to cold showers. Then you won't feel the urge to lick your colleagues.
Can you pop up to the ASBO family and threaten to make your TV turn itself on again if they don't let you use their facilities?
"Now, it's because you said no hot water. Now if you'd said no heating..."
Eh? I'd always thought hot water was essential to hygiene, preservation of good health etc and all the time it was central heating. Who knew?
Seriously though, Rockmother's suggestion about an independent engineer sounds like it might be worth pursuing.
If you have a hot water tank then there's likely to be an immersion heater built in which you can use instead. I mention this 'cos two people I know have had broken boilers this past couple of months and hadn't realised.
OTOH if it's a combi boiler (thus no seperate water tank) then you're stuffed. And smelly ;)
Thanks, RoMo. It is a good idea. Don't worry, far too technophobe to tinker with gadgets.
Tim - yes, definitely. (Don't know what it is but he is driving me crazy.)
BiB - by the way, I'm sorry I don't call you Pleite, I can't break the habit - what means Pleite? - the thought of showering at the ASBO neighbours gives me chills.
Marsha - yes, when you put it like that, it is odd.
Thanks, Alan. It says 'Combi' on the front - might that be a clue...?
Annie, no, BiB is good. It's just this OpenID thing automatically abbreviates you to the first bit of your blog address (and it means broke). Could still log in under Name/URL, of course, but, and don't tell anyone, but, well, anyone could do that. I could sign in under that as you or you could as me. Whereas OpenID is me. Not that I presume there are TOO many nutters wandering blogland trying to log in as others, but, well, you know...
Ah, I have one of those. It signs me in as Slaminsky, which feels rather public school.
God, sorting out this kind of stuff is so annoying. I have to do it a lot for my Special Guys when they get out of jail, if they're lucky enough to have somewhere to live. One guy had managed to maintain a tenancy while he was in jail through the miracle of a long-suffering mother, and we arranged for a chap from the council to come round on the day he got out to put the leccy back on. They never turned up so the chap urned up back at my office the next day kicking off and threatening to burn down the council offices. I phoned the council, who said they could get someone round to provide lighting, heating, and cooking and refrigeration facilities via the magic of leccy in... three weeks. I politely but firmly stated that this was not good enough and asked to speak to a supervisor and lo! An engineer free at 10am the next morning materialised from nowhere. Arseholes.
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