There's a new cleaner started. The old cleaner was tall, male, and pretty monosyllabic. The new cleaner is short, female, and at first seemed a bit more sociable, ie would return your smile and say hello. But she's started to get stroppy with me.
'This classroom's a tip!' she spits.
'Yes' I agree politely. 'Because we had parents' evening for the last two nights and you weren't able to clean, remember?'
Today she's banging around and wielding her mop with excessive ferocity, like your other half who's in a sulk with you but won't come out with it.
'How come there's all these water bottles here?' she explodes eventually.
'Well, we don't have water fountains, so they bring water bottles in. They're supposed to take them home, but they forget...' I tail off weakly.
'Oh, so that's why there's all this water here...'
Oy vey. I have a whole year of this ahead, of getting to the end of the day & breathing a sigh of relief, & trying to plan in peace whilst the cleaner crashes around my room sending me silent death rays. Someone is always nagging you in this job, the head, the deputy, the office staff, the government, the kids, the parents - I just didn't expect the cleaner to join in.
I've worked as a cleaner, many times, it's not the greatest of jobs but at least you're free to get on with it by yourself. I want to say this to her. Also, that I try to get them to clear up after themselves, but they are pretty young. And it sometimes takes a low priority after teaching them maths and English and science and stuff. Also, if you don't like cleaning mate, you're in the wrong job. And also, fuck off. But I don't wish to antagonize her.
I need help, people, I need tactics, I need strategies. What would you do?
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18 comments:
You could try taking an axe to her and then blame the kids. Always worked for me.
I would probably cower in the corner and let her beat me over the head with a mop. So I think you're doing just fine.
Also, if the classroom was very clean, she wouldn't have a job.
Dan "Axe Man" Flynn. Is this why you changed career then?
Patroclus, I know! Ridiculous! And it's a primary school for fuck's sake, not a stately home.
Re: cowering in the corner - I believe this is where we're headed. Otherwise else I might have to just change schools.
Um seriously - tell her exactly what you said here - that a) they're kids and they do the best and they can, and that you don't always have time to tidy up after them (a little lie goes a long way).
Or maybe not so seriously b) tell her to fuck off; c) set up an elaborate system with mirrors and smoke to make sure you're never in the classroom when she comes to clean it; d) suggest she try doing your job for a change; e) complain loudly and viciously about how crap your job is; or f) leave little notes near the bin with hints that her job is to put things in it and your job is to teach the kids...
Is that too harsh?
C
xxx
PS my hidden word to publish comment started with bum (hee hee!)
My cleaner throws away my water bottle for me. They're all fascists.
Just tell her you try your best, and like her job you don't always have as much time as you'd like, being careful not to sound patronising. Then just give her a kind of nudge, saying something like, kids today hey, what are they like?
If she persists giving you daggers, just ignore her, let her get on with being moody, she's probably like that to everyone anyway.
There appear to be a lot of Heather's on your blog! From the Heather as in Hboutique x
I always remember the mantra from school "It's not the cleaner's job to tidy up after you" and our response "What the hell do they do then?"
Give her an affection nickname like "Smiler" or "Chuckles". Always cheers me up when I have to spend time with someone that annoys me.
Come on Annie... Adopt your sternest 'Miss' voice, glare at her and tell her she's there to clean not criticize. If she has a problem with your classroom she's welcome to report it to the head. You've marking, reports to compile 'insert teachery thing of your choice here' to be getting on with and would appreciate some peace and quiet while doing so.
Failing that kick her in the crease and tell her she smells like Grimsby Docks! :D
I'm with Claire and here b) suggestion. Tell her, in no uncertain terms, to fuck off. And then tell her that in future you'll clean up after the kids and she can go and get her dole instead of coming to work and wasting your time with inane questions.
It's like one of those dudes at traffic junctions running over to clean your window and then moaning about you driving into so many flies.
Do what they do in Japan. Get the kids to clean the classrooms. Maybe it would be a nice gesture if they all signed a nice big card to go with the ex-cleaner's P45.
My WV, I kid you not, is "hadgasm". Which can only mean post-coital, can't it?
Claire, I like e) especially, the best form of defence being attack.
Greavsie, I've heard tell that some of the cleaners in our school take the kids' juice cartons if they leave them in the classroom overnight! I know all jobs have to have perks but that's the lowest of the low isn't it?
Hey Heather, I don't know, you wait for a Heather for ages then two appear at once... I think you're right, she seems like the passive-aggressive type.
Del, I like this tactic a lot. I will love-bomb her. She won't know what's hit her.
Rad, I want you to know that "kick her in the crease" made me laugh for about an hour.
Matthew, she is making a mistake that many people make, thinking that I am an amiable idiot. She has not yet met the Wrath of Annie. I'm saving the Wrath for when she's really pissed me off.
Tim, you jest, but this is what the kids love to do most of all, they would spend all day sweeping up and cleaning my whiteboard if I'd let them. It's bizarre, and makes me wonder if we should scrap all this education nonsense and send them back down the mines or up the chimneys, they'd surely be happier.
Hadgasm. Hahaha! It's like Orwellian newspeak.
Glad to have been of service lady! :)
Cleaners are cleaners either as a fill in until they do something else, or because they can't do something else. The first is demotivating, the second tends to see the world very simply. First, figure out which she is. If the former, talk to her logic and higher sense of the world, how to make things better for both of you. If the later, there's probably not much you can do...
Shred her mop, then laugh like a madman/madwoman when she questions you.
Hi, the Boy. This is the kind of profound, thoughtful answer that is all too rare in my comments box...
Will, this is more what I'm used to. And actually, I think it might just work.
Were it me, Annie, I would hide from the cleaner. I hate confrontation.
I hate it too Billy, and I've used up all my patience on the kids. Took the coward's way out yesterday and ran away when I saw her coming.
Ig. Nore. Her. Completely. Seriously, just blank her out, don't even answer her questions. She's just bringing her baggage to work.
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