A man about a dog

"I've lived here 12 years. The bloke upstairs was writing letters to the housing association, the council, the ombudsman, people I'd never heard of, complaining about my dogs - but he never come and knocked on my door and spoke to me, I didn't know who it was complaining, I'm getting letters saying people are complaining and threatening me I'm going to lose my home, but I don't know who's doing it, right?

One time I got so frustrated, I went and shouted outside the flats, cause I knew if I went to him that would be harrassment, and he could hear me... You can't believe someone would want to make you lose your home and not come and talk to you about it. He was a quiet bloke with a bike, never said nothing to me, he was throwing stuff down on my dogs, poisoned bones with vinegar on them, you know what that does? It rots their stomachs and makes them ill. Only reason I knew, the girl next door filmed him and showed me.

I'm a good lad, you know? I grew up in Hackney and I used to be a bad boy, with the wrong people, but I'm trying to do the right thing now and stay in work. My mates said, do you want us to set fire to his house? And I go, no no, it's my home too - the old me would have done that, but not now. There used to be break-ins here but since I got my dogs there's been no trouble, they're guard dogs. When I moved in here I used to have my mates round and they said I was drug dealing, but I was just a young bloke, and my friends all still lived at home, they just came around here a lot...

I don't feel safe here, that's why I got my dogs, I don't know why someone like you wants to live here, I don't want to live here. I worry about my son, and my girlfriend. It's not a good place to live, what is there here? I've got ten dogs, the rest are with her. We don't get on when we live together, so this is the only place I've got. There's lots of Muslims on this estate, lots of Africans, and they don't like dogs, it's in their culture. He was Jewish, they don't like dogs either. I asked the housing association to move me, but they won't, they say it'll just be a problem somewhere else.

I'm not racist, my dad's black, my mum's white - I didn't live with them though, I grew up in children's homes and foster homes. I'm used to being on my own, I'm okay with that, I've always had dogs, they're loyal. He told me he was renting the place out, and I thought, whoever moves in can't be worse than him... he didn't say he was selling the place. I try and read people, and I can tell you're trying, I respect the fact that you came and spoke to me, he never did that. I'll put a muzzle on them when I go out, and I'll check out this trainer stuff you've given me... My dogs are the only trouble you'll have living here, it's not rough or anything."

Where did I come from...?

Just dropping back because I couldn't contain myself....

So, it's now compulsory for primary schools to teach sex education. Oh joy. This job just keeps getting better.

Jim Knight, Schools Minister, says that there is a need to "improve the moral framework and moral understanding around which we then talk about sex later on in a child's education." The government is passing the responsibility over to schools again, as is its wont (at the last count, you are expected to teach the kids manners, ethics, basic nutrition and basic hygiene, you know the stuff you might reasonably expect parents to teach them, in addition to the curriculum.) Because they don't seem entirely clear on what constitutes a moral framework and moral understanding around which we can talk about sex, they fumble the issue and pass it onto schools to work out the details and how these diktats can actually be delivered. Because we have lots of time on our hands to do that.

Hey - these kids are all getting STDs! And pregnant! Let the schools sort it out. Whilst they're also sorting out exercise - and afterschool clubs - and breakfast clubs - and combating youth crime - and child abuse - and poverty - and obesity- and malnutrition - - and inequalities which are entirely down to what class children are born into. * That's what we pay them for, isn't it?


* On Radio 4 an Irish woman was talking about a trial of these sex education classes in Ireland - she admitted that the project had no appreciable impact on the teen pregnancy statistics - what made a difference was their relationships with their parents, their family background and the expectations of the teenagers - the ones who expected to go on to study at university didn't want to get pregnant, the ones who didn't expect anything out of further education saw no reason not to.



Cover from the brilliant Mummy Laid an Egg by the brilliant Babette Cole. I'd recommend it for all those awkward conversations. Me, I'm heading for adult education pronto.

Hibernation

Passed the 3 year mark a while back, and I had totally forgotten. Yay me!

Doing this for 3 years makes me realise I have a cycle, and it's got to that point where it all gets a bit weary * and I feel the need to go into winter hibernation.

Right, I'm off to my cave now, and taking a break til next year.

Laters, alligators.





* Look, they've already got the Christmas decorations out - the horror, the horror. Must confess, though I hate Christmas, I like Christmas decorations.

My famous blogger friend

Which telegenic blogger from my link list on the right features here? I'm taking bets...

Lock 'em up and throw away the key

Or not. Amnesty's campaign against the 42 days proposal needs your signature urgently here.

(Do you know how long they can lock them up in America, land of the paranoid right-wing loonies, without charge? 2 days. )

Santogold

Santogold wrote a song for me, how thoughtful of her! She's the chick puking up gold glitter on the cover of her album, you know the one. Very good stuff.

My name is Anne, I got a plan
I may lack virtue
But I'm penitent...

On smacking

Got very mixed feelings about this. Yes, we should protect children from angry, out of control adults. No, people shouldn't hit their kids. But why does everything have to be legislated now, dictated by the state, including parenting?

A question I'd hoped to avoid

'Miss' [we are reading the Owl and the Pussycat] 'what does pussy mean?'
'Er... it's a cat. You know, like pussycat...'
'But my brother calls me a pussy. He says it doesn't mean cat.'

Cowardly, I tell him I don't know. It's a bit early to get onto misogyny, dysphemism and gender stereotyping. I would also like to strangle his brother, the little shit, as he's the most charming little kid you could ever hope to meet - what is he doing calling him names like that?

It's a big ugly world but in this job sometimes you can't help wishing you could protect innocence from experience.

Getting back on the saddle

The year before last I was internet dating. I started seeing someone for a while (I didn’t write about it because I stupidly mentioned my blog on the first date – though in fact, he unforgivably never once looked at it ‘What’s it called again?’ he’d say). He was lovely but there was just no Vrrrrrm between us… no Grrrrr… no something, anyway.

He had a house, and enough money, and was talking about setting up his own business, but he didn’t really need to, and spent the day quite happily on message boards. I knew this would drive me crazy after a while. He had everything he wanted, he just needed a woman, and I could see it would be so easy to fit right in there. I entertained the thought for a while – just imagine, no going to weddings on your own anymore, or getting home from parties alone; imagine how handy he would have been in this situation… (Not for long though, because of lack of vrrrrm.)

I must get back on it though. I keep using the excuse of not having a decent photo (the one I used – and coincidentally the one he used – last time was quite old, not because I was lying on purpose about my age but because I’m so chronically unphotogenic, it was the only reasonable one in living memory.)

*sigh* Have you tried it? Anyone recommend a good site? (I hear that My Single Friend is full of swingers.)

Have I exhausted the pleasures of the internet?

Scroll down for update...

Already? Surely not...?

I challenge you - YES YOU, THAT INCLUDES ALL LURKERS - to go on an internet scavenger hunt and find me some or preferably one each of these:

1.) A new website to make me laugh
2.) A website to shock and/or thrill
3.) An irresistibly sexy website (YouPorn does not count)
4.) A fabulously stylish website
5.) A bright shiny new blog to read.
6.) A good shopping website (prizes offered if you find one that sells sofas.)

Ready... steady... go!




PS: What is your favourite drug when you have a cold? Em has already recommended Benylin (drowsy) but any others?

Update

Thank you for the lovely recommendations. I have listed them for your pleasure below:

The Changing Man recommended his own site, cheeky! But no link - what's your address, Changing Man? And Retro Sofas, with lovely leather sofas, mmmm...

US recommended the Daily Mash - hilarious, I love the Peter Mandelson post.

Clair recommends the lovely Silent Porn Star blog - a classier time for porn, I think.

Bowleserised wins the prize with one for every category:
Associated Press' strange news snippets
Alaskan politics - good lord!
Coco de Mer's shopping site - I have met the proprietor socially, you know.Quite taken with the liquorice cherry voyeur wallpaper.
Advanced Style - stylish older folks give me hope for the future. Very cool.
Sexy Witches - there's something on the internet for everyone!

Quink recommends the fabulously stylish Ace Jet 170 - great eye candy.

RoMo recommends Electric Roulette - also cool and stylish, a bit like the Face in internet form.


For colds, Bedshaped recommended marijuana. You old hippy, Bedshaped.
Tim recommends whiskey, honey and paracetamol - yum!
Tara recommends grape candy flavoured Dimetapp, sadly unavailable over here.
RoMo recommends Benylin4flu, and chilli.

I am off to try the lot. Cheers, my dears.

West is the new East

A day off, for Eid. Hurrah for the Muslims.

I went west, to buy a sofa. Right across the city - started to get the bends around North Acton.

What is like the other side of town? They like shopping, those West Londoners. The high street is rammed full of shops, I felt like an Communist-era East Berliner allowed into the prosperous West - then just when you think there can't possibly be more, a huge endless shopping mall appears before you and swallows you up.

Failed utterly to buy a sofa - the salesmen were not as aggressive as I'd imagined, they appeared not to realise that their mantra was meant to be 'Always Be Closing'... in fact they seemed startled when I interrupted their conversation with a query, once or twice.

But who cares, because I found this fabulous book in the fabulous Oxfam Book Shop:

















Just look at this picture of badgers inside:














(click on it to reveal full glory.)


Also I got the book of the brilliant The Man Who Fell Asleep blog, it's very good, sort of like having a portable blog to dip into now and then. He is funny. I am very, very jealous.