Sitting in the hairdresser, you get to read magazines so trashy they make Heat look like the New Statesman. I was reading one called (I believe) Love It! Here are some Hot Tips from the letters page of Love It!, expressly for you:
from Mrs Unwin, in Clacton on Sea, Essex:
If you lose a contact lens, pop a pair of tights over the end of your vacuum nozzle and it will get stuck there when you hoover it up! Don't forget to rinse it thoroughly before you put it back in!
Oh Mrs Unwin, you are a card.
from Claire Green in Ipswich:
Always have problems finding paper to wrap your chewing gum in before you throw it away? Keep a plastic pill packet handy and you can store your old chewing gum in there, using the foil to keep it in place. When it's full up, throw it away! (I am not making this up, I swear.)
Just don't say I never give you anything.
Any tips you'd like to share?
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22 comments:
I tell you that Claire Green is on the ball - I stick my gum in old till receipts and find them weeks later...ew? Yeah I know.
Tips? I am not a tip sort of person...sorry...just your average slob.
Geena - ew! You need to get yourself a copy of Love It, pronto.
Never eat yellow snow.
Wow. Okay, I'll try my hand at the silly tips game...
If you have trouble keeping your brains from dripping out your ears, stick a finger in there!
The comic "Viz" has always managed to do a brilliant parody of letters pages and so-called Top Tips. Check it out, if you can. I don't read much of Viz, but that's the bit I always laugh at.
I often find these magazines on the train that someone has left behind. I quite enjoy them although I always make sure to leave it behind for the next person.
Always read magazines whilst on the loo.
US - wise words.
Anxious, like this, you mean?
Natalie - you had a lucky escape I reckon. Why do they tell us to make crosses on the brussels sprouts then?
Billy, that's your story and you're sticking to it...
Greavsie, not so much a tip as The Law (if you're a man.)
When scaling sardines, always start at the tail and work slowly towards the head.
When riding a motorbike always keep your mouth shut to avoid swallowing bugs!
I don't want love advice from Cilla. I might end up picturing her naked. Eeeewwww....
When driving a car, do not stab yourself in both eyes with scissors. This may render you blind and unable to optimise economical fuel consumption. You may also crash the car.
Save money on expensive address books by simply getting a phone directory and crossing out the names of people you don't know.
Avoid jet lag by getting an earlier flight and arriving at your chosen destination fully refreshed.
Deter fish from having sex by throwing a small bucket of air over any that you catch in the act.
World-record sprinters and Tour de France winners - disguise the fact you've taken drugs by running/cycling a bit slower.
Avoid cutting yourself whilst clumsily slicing vegetables by getting someone else to hold them whilst you chop away.
The Curve - fish-murderer!
Dcver - you crazy Europeans - the rest of us usually wear helmets...
Tim, yes, Cilla and, say, John Prescott, are two people you'd least likely go to for advice on amour. Right - and do not stick head in gas oven or jump off high buildings, it may shorten your life expectancy.
Mr Angry, with these hot tips you are spoiling us! Did you in fact invent the word "curmudgeonly"?
Instead of leaving used, wet and potentially soggy rubber gloves draped over the sink to dry, hang them over the tap secured at the top with a clothes peg. They drip dry!
Keep a handy supply of elastic bands draped over the door knob of a cupboard door for easy access when needing to roll packages back to keep fresh.
Sprinkle a little salt on cucumber before putting into a salad. It absorbs the moisture and stops soggy salads.
(You can tell my boyfriend is a domestic goddess who's slowly trying to impart his ways, can't you?)
They say to cut crosses into sprouts because generally the leaves cook quicker than the core and this is a way to get them to cook more evenly. (Delia reckons you don't need to - I do, but I only par boil mine before sauteeing them in butter with some chestnuts which adds to the flavour and retains the goodness, crossed core or not).
As for tips: when taking hot baking trays out of an oven, wear gloves to prevent you burning yourself.
That contact lens tip is awesome.
that contact lens tip, i agree, is awesome.
(What, that's what i thought, then i saw annie said it first. so i will just agree).
If you have to pee while driving somewhere, park next to another car and then open both the front and back doors of your car and you have an instant loo cubicle.
I tried this the other day and it worked.
Adrian, now, you being modest? Is it in fact you who are the domestic goddess?
Dragon, mmm, chestnuts... I say, I thought a Tough Guy such as yourself would be able to lift burning coals out of the fire without any problems...
Hi Annie! Glad to be of service! (though I posted these top tips as a joke - they seem surprisingly popular.)
Treespotter - well I never! Mrs Unwin didn't waste her time writing in after all.
Alda, I like this tip. When caught short at the Pride festival this weekend I went behind the Kent Police stand and got caught by a policeman with my jeans around my ankles. Your tip would have saved my blushes.
A tip for getting lots of tips...google Heloise Hints.
[Is that cheating?]
i like trashy mags, i like trashy mags.
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