There goes the front door. Crash! What time is it? I fumble for the alarm. 2.00 am. Drunk people pour into my house. The stereo goes on. People thump up and down the stairs, slamming doors. Lights go on. My bedroom door flies open.
'Annie! Annie! People have come back... Sorry! Is it okay? We'll be quiet.'
I stuff earplugs in my ears (learned the value of them when living in Spain amongst the noisiest bastards on the planet) and try to go back to sleep but the hideous music and loud joyful drunk voices float effortlessly through the bedroom floor.
Dr Slaminsky: It's okay, it's okay. It's Saturday night, they're entitled to a party.
Ms Hyde: They interrupted my sleep! For the third time in a month! No one does that without paying!
Dr Slaminsky: You should be out anyway, doing coke off the rock-hard six-pack of a hot young man in a club or something, not tucked up in bed dreaming chastely about literacy planning and activities for Sports Day. You sad bastard.
Ms Hyde: Oh no, not fucking Trance Nation. I fucking hate that. Kill! Kill! Kill!
Dr Slaminsky: Oh shut up and put your ear plugs back in. You can sleep in tomorrow. Zzzzzz...
(5 minutes later) Annie! Psst, Annie! Sorry! Can I borrow your charger?
Ms Hyde: Hang draw and quarter them! Shave them bald when they're asleep!
Next morning. The house looks like a bombsite - and someone has smoked all my cigarettes which I stupidly left in the living room (okay okay I know I gave up - for the purpose of this blog, just take it as read that I give up and start again, over and over, until I die from lung cancer.)
Dr Slaminsky and Ms Hyde: Okay, now where are the clippers?
About teaching and crying
1 day ago
13 comments:
oh Lord - I just don't know how you do it.
Would a longer commute in order to live alone really be that much worse?
But who wanted to borrow your charger? And for what? Does one have to charge drugs in this day and age? You never know. A young friend of mine recently told me he was using viagra recreationally. And he was only in his 20s. Seemed like such a nice, functional boy.
Shit in their knicker drawers.
DAMN THEM! DAMN THEM TO HELL!
Seriously - that is poor show. She is not being fair. Period.
My tip would be to get up really early the next morning and clean the flat spotless!
They would be so ashamed the next day!
If they noticed, that is...
I've lived in that flat, only I was too scared of the alpha female to do anything about it.
Now I've moved to another country so I can live on my own!
Oh god - that sounds really annoying and inconsiderate. Earplugs or no earplugs - and smoking other peoples fags when they are not there is a heinous crime - especially if there is lots of mess the next day as you would reach for the fags with the stress of it all!
living alone does not guarantee an undisturbed night - partic not in london. thankfully the building i live in has managed to evict the anitsocial fuckwit living below me...now if they will just change the front door lock, i can go home without fearing retribution..
GSE, I think that would mean living in Essex, it's just a bit too far out...
BiB, yes, I was puzzled, but too sleepy to enquire. Viagra, hmmm... I hear it works for women too.
Tim - twisted, but I like it.
Sar - nope, not fair. I'm too old for this malarky.
Murph, I've tried that one. Hoovering while enraged can be therapeutic.
Bowleserised, I might join you in Berlin.
RoMo, it makes me want to smoke 10 at once.
Hi Kirses, I read your horror story - my sympathies.
Does the need to wear ear plugs and sleep in tie in at all with the post on growing older?
I was so knackered after the weekend's partying that we went to bed TO SLEEP Sunday afternoon!
the thing about smoking is to try to keep the number of times you start equal to the number of times you give up. but sometimes you have to keep checking. it's complicated - and sometimes one needs a ciggie to work it all out
Some years ago, should that happen to me I'd wake up and join the party, although the most likely scenario would me arriving at someone else's place at 2am. Now, if someone crashed my place at 2am... well, some body bags would be in order! ;)
Move house immediately....
Post a Comment