So, trousers. Yes, I know we (women) are all made differently, but who are they making the trousers for, seeing as no one I know can find a pair that fits? Though clearly somewhere out there is a woman shaped exactly the opposite to me, and she must have no problems with trousers, as every pair I try on seem designed for her. Here's the thing, manufacturers and designers:
Women do not go straight up and down like men.
(Okay, models and pre-adolescent girls maybe - oh, you mean that's who designers are designing for? Women shaped like men and boys? You may have a point.)
For the last few years, I have been on the quest for the holy grail, ie, a pair of trousers that I can get over my hips and yet which does not have enough space around the waist to easily fit another person down. (Which I then have to winch in with a belt, causing uncool and unsightly fabric bulge.)
And another thing! What malevolent fashion god decreed that hipsters were the only waistline permissible? The normal waistline is virtually extinct, since the hostile takeover of the hipsters, much like the gentle native red squirrel has been driven out of England by the aggressive behaviour of the vicious cockney grey squirrel.
If you are a model, or a pre-adolescent girl, hipsters are fine, but for those of us of advancing years, hipsters are unforgiving and unkind. Hipsters shout 'take a look at these love-handles!' And they are not v cool for work, because when you bend down, they show, no other way to describe it, bum cleavage. Not v cool at all when you work in a school especially. ('What's that?' asked one of the kids in my class ingenuously. She was not used to seeing much bare skin.)
So I give a prayer of thanks to Levi's (sorry, it's product placement but I really mean it) because I had gone the entire length of Oxford Street & tried on every pair of jeans in every shop til I got to the Levi's shop. My hope was nearly gone.
'I'm looking for a pair of bootleg jeans* which ARE NOT HIPSTERS' and the lovely Japanese assistant glanced at me, handed me a pair, I tried them on in the changing room, and voila! They fitted like they'd been made for me. I nearly cried. I was not a freak of nature! Can't tell you how happy it makes me to have a pair of trousers which actually fit, after all these years of compromise.
*Bootleg jeans are jeans which are slightly wider at the bottom, in order to accommodate a boot, and nothing to do with moonshine whisky, for those of you who do not follow trouser fashion.
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21 comments:
Yes Levi's are good, still love hipsters though, sorry. River Island do good ones.
ps. I'm not a model, or an adolescent.
How ironic! I can't wear 501's as they seem to be designed for men who are not in possession of genitalia (this is not some ible boast about the size of my own personal assets, I hasten to add. Barbie's Ken would struggle.)
I knew what bootleg cut meant! Yes! I'll be a fashionista yet.
As Del said, the opposite is true too. Apparently they're designing men's jeans for men who are shaped like women-- you know, without man things between their legs. It's not so bad these days, but in the past... Let's just say it's amazing anyone was able to reproduce in the 80s.
I say we do away with pants altogether! Who's with me?
It's so nice to find a garment which both fits and flatters.
I must say, I like the way hipsters flatten my stomach, but I'm not keen on the "muffin top" effect...
(and surely grey squirrels are Americans, not Cockneys!)
I so understand. Sooooo understand. I hate finding jeans - and black trousers. They are the hardest to find.
No no no! Hipsters are splendid, clearly the work of someone like me who understands that if you don't have a waistband pressing into your stomach, you can eat more biscuits without feeling uncomfotable.
If it's any consolation I have the same problem. Damn my stupid shaped legs.
Forget hipsters, last season (or is it this season?) is all about the Brazilian cut - literally just above the crotch.
(for men, and probably women too)
Frankly I don't know how Brazilians wear these. They're big boys, and these leave no room to breath.
I love hipsters also, hate the tied in feeling with proper waist trousers. I solve the muffin problem by always wearing extra long vests.
Heather, I would defend to the death your right to wear them, but do they have to have a monopoly on the trouser department?
Del, we live and learn. It never occurred to me that men felt persecuted by the wrong trousers too.
Viking, down with pants! (You know we have a little cross-cultural banter going on here, pants in British English also meaning underwear, and also a derogatory adjective meaning something is rubbish.)
Bad Sar - I know you know what I mean. We just have to get rich enough for tailor-made clothes, is all.
Jack - mmmm, biscuits. And jaffa cakes. (Is it a cake, or a biscuit?) There is truth in what you say...
Billy, don't suffer alone. Join Viking and my crusade, we will bring back the kilt.
Adrian, ay ay ay. It only works if you're on Copacabana Beach, if you're in London I reckon you're likely to get called a Chav and have people point and laugh.
Realdoc, I'm getting worried, my waist does not appear to be positioned the same as everyone else's in the comments box, as I find the waisted trousers do not cut you in two like the hipsters...
Anx, I missed you. Yes, you are probably right about the squirrels. They just look like Cockneys when I see them in Victoria Park - very bold and cheeky, very suited to the city.
Natalie, it makes me very happy to pass this knowledge on - I believe it is the
525 - I got mine in the Regent Street store, they only seem to have them in one colour though.
I think I am the opposite woman you described. I have slim hips but no waist and every time I try trousers on, they either fit over my hips but I can't do them up, or they fit my waist but appear to leave enough space round the hips for me to carry two loaves of bread everywhere I go. Could be useful, but still. This seasons "new focus on the waist" makes me look like a tube of smarties with a string tied around me. You should let me know where you're shopping and vice versa. I'd guess you can find trousers in Gap but not in H&M - am I right? That's because I can only find trousers in H&M, and Gap trouesrs are some kind of sick joke...
Hipsters just don't defy gravity, do they? I recently saw a girl running for a bus, having to hold her trousers up. Jeans are one of the few items of clothing for women that are supposed to be comfortable, and bloody dress designers have done away with that!
I mean, I'm 150 but I still don't feel ready to start wearing navy blue polyester slacks with an elasticated waistband just yet, so ... what to do?
I know they are everywhere, I don't wear the really low ones, and never with any stomach showing.
The Wrong Trousers! Smarties! Elasticated waistbands! This is the best comment thread ever.
Hi Marie - 'tube of smarties' made me laugh. French Connection is my trouser of choice, unfortunately. Oh,so YOU'RE the one they're making them for in H&M. Let's go shopping together, we can bang our heads against the wall simultaneously.
Hi Betty! Betty, *cough*, it was me...
Yes, we should shun the elasticated waistbands and search for an alternative - what are your thoughts on, say, floaty kaftans, like Margo's in The Good Life?
Heather, if you've got it, flaunt it.
Del, the readers take all the credit
Margot in the good life? Good morning! You're just doing it on purpose now.
Del, I'm lost for words. You can't possibly fancy Margot in the Good Life?
It is a love that dare not speak it's name. Oh to be living in the house opposite. Margot AND Barbara. Surbiton never seemed to desirable.
I HEART my Levis!
I HEART!!! my Levis!!!
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