More interesting junk mail than your usual pizza leaflet through the door, I bring you the apology line.
Leave your apologies in the Slaminsky confessional. You'll feel a whole lot better, I guarantee it.
About teaching and crying
2 days ago
18 comments:
Okay, me first.
Dear close female family member -
Remember how your Sister Sledge 12 inch developed a nasty scratch? It was me. I said it wasn't, but it was. Because you were 6 years older, verbally dextrous and used to beat me in arguments all the time. And you were bigger than me and used to beat me up. It was the only way I could get my revenge. But I feel bad about it now. I apologise with all my heart.
And Adrian (not that Adrian). I'm sorry for standing you up three times when we were teenagers. I was very shy, but that's no excuse. It was a shitty thing to do. A thousand times, sorry.
Yeah, you'd better apologize and think yourself lucky that I didn't kick your SORRY arse!
Well, that's a start! I've just learnt how to use the words apologize and sorry!
The only way is upside down!
I can't believe you stood me up. 3 Times.
Seesh.
Adrian's always get stood up.
No no no, not that... never mind. Adrian my love, I would never stand you up.
Got to say, my readers appear to be an unapologetic, some might say arrogant and cocky, bunch. I kind of like that.
I was raised a Catholic so know a thing or two about confession, so here we go...
"Bless me Annie for I have sinned (got to start this way or else it doesn't work) it has been 30 odd years since my last confession and in that time I have fornicated and took drugs. Amen"
Am I forgiven?
What kind of drugs?
Ahem. Um. "Yes, dear child."
I believe you also have to say "Hello, Mary" 5 times now, but am a bit rusty on it, they don't have confessionals in synagogues you know.
What kind of drugs? Only the best kind of course.
And yes 5 Hello Mary's will about do it. Thank you Annie. I am cleansed.
And as for Judaism, what's their line on guilt? Bet it aint as harsh as the Catholic one. No siree. In catholic parlance it is better to crush a child than allow them to become a debauched adult. Unfortunately such extremism only served to drive this poor penitent to drugs. I did the sex for fun. Oops, doing things for fun is a sin as well.
Shit,
"Bless me Annie for I have sinned...bollocks. I'm off to find the hypodermic."
What's their line on guilt?
We invented it, Dan. Come to think of it, Mary was probably the first Jewish mamma.
"All this time preaching to strange people up on mountains. You don't write, you don't call, oy..."
(My confessional is not intended to induce guilt though, go forth and sin in peace.)
Are they apologies if the person to whom you are apologising doesn´t receive them (ie by reading them here?). I don´t think so, I think you´re still in sin, - cue evil laughahahahaaaaa ......
Emma - I am truly sorry for the time I walked in on you having sex. I really am sorry. I am sorry I laughed about it with you too.
Bad Sarah xx
I ain't apologising for nothing, I want to punch some mean people's lights out right now. grrrgh. graagh. rrrgh.
etc.
Ha ha ha, nothing to apoologise about Bad Sar!!! I thought it was funny, although it did rather ruin the moment!!! I was just pleased you'd caught me with a buff young stud ;-)
Also thanks for bringing this to the attention of Annie´s blog pals!!!!!
PS - I used to steal your apple juice when I was hungover in the mornings, sorry ´bout that....
Lets hear more about the sex walk in on story ...
I'm sore I have many things to confess, I'm just not sure I should be confessing them.
Em, you've discovered the fatal flaw in the apology line. It's more for the relief of the guilty than the victim...
Yes, Bad Sarah tends to forget this isn't gmail. Bless her.
Aw, poor GG. Maybe I should set up a "venting" line, where you can craft scathing insults for those who wronged you.
Sevitz, behave yourself. [You're 'sore'? Then we definitely shouldn't be hearing about it ;-) ]
I'm sure actually. Although I am sore. But thats just my right arm.
Adrian broke his arm, I should say to anyone getting ideas.
Or anyone who has a spare hand to help me with stuff ....
um ...
like ...
tieing my shoelaces.
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