'Me? I'm not bothered. But they say it's time... And I'm not interested in all that in-love stuff. I'd rather do it this way.'
Today I went to the wedding of a colleague, out in the wilds of Essex. She's 21. Last year, one arranged marriage fell through as the two families argued. When it broke off, the boy started leaving her abusive messages on her voice mail. Just as she got over that, the next one was set up... and it all went ahead. She'll be moving in with new husband, his sisters, and the inlaws, having never left home before. The in-laws are older than her parents, very traditional - wouldn't let them see each other much before the wedding, and told her off for cutting her hair. I'm crossing my fingers for her.
We rocked up at 12.30 pm, as it said on the invitation, to find some sharply suited youths in the banqueting suite. 'We're here for R's wedding.'
'R? We don't know the bride's name, we're friends of the groom. Is she from Whitechapel?'
They told us everyone would probably start arriving maybe around 2.00,
2.30 ish.
'Welcome to an Asian wedding...' they said, as we headed back to the high street to find a cafe to wait in. Different from most Western weddings, which are planned with military precision. Also, this being a Muslim wedding, no alcohol at all, so it was very sedate. Everyone looked gorgeous, with fabulous suits & saris, and enough bling to satisfy the most flamboyant gangsta rapper.
R looked absolutely beautiful, opting for pale pink over the usual red & gold, though she was pale and looked pretty terrified. Flanked by bridesmaid and holding flowers, she sat for hours whilst everyone else ate, having thousands of photos and videos taken. I remember reading somewhere that it's traditional to look sad at the thought of leaving your family, I'm hoping this is the only reason.
The groom was way over the other side of the room, and they only came together towards the end. They both looked about 12, and about as prepared for marriage as two twelve year olds. Still and all, I guess it's got as much of a chance as any Western love match at working out.
image from http://www.abeautifuldayphoto.com
10 comments:
Don't the statistics show that the divorce rate from arranged marriages is far less that "love matches"? Although that, of course, doesn't mean they're happier,just less inclined to divorce.
Never been to a Muslim wedding, although I've done most other flavours. Was there dancing? Serious bhangra action at Sikh ceremonies. But when whitey does it, it looks like Riverdance...
I've been to a few Muslim weddings and the bride always has head bowed and looks rather glum. So I think it's a tradition thing as much as anything else.
Not been to a Muslim wedding, apparently the food is always very good. Makes up for the lack of booze I think.
Meredith, right, especially when divorce is seen as A BIG SHAME ON THE FAMILY...
No Tim, no dancing, not even any music, which probably explains why it seemed such a solemn wedding. I was looking forward to watching everyone go mental to Panjabi MC.
Anxious, right - but I know she is super shy and probably didn't love being the centre of attention too.
It was good food Billy - nice curry, but no cake. Bah.
Even if they have as much chance of surviving as love-matches, I wouldn't fancy an arranged marriage much, and living with the in-laws, christ alive.
I experienced a colleague planning her wedding and it seemed so doom-laden to me I couldn't bring myself to accept the invitation. The wedding had been called off once before, she was now pregnant and her husband-to-be faxed a pre-nuptial agreement to our office, for her to sign.
Marriage is one of those far off things, like a mortgage and kids and responsibility, that always seem so far off in the distance that they barely seem worth worrying about. But I always suspect that I'll take my eye off the road and end up ploughing headfirst into all four of the above in some sort of disastrous life multiple pile up. Probably when I'm trying to find something worth listening to in the glove compartment when the latest Keane record comes on Radio 1. Damn you Keane, it's all your fault!
Realdoc, I know, some start to the marriage, hey...
Arabella - oh my lord. Prenuptials - I know it's very sensible and practical, but it seems like dooming the whole thing to failure right at the start.
Del - yes, damn Keane. And as the kids in my class would tell you, it's all the fault of kissing. ("Ewwwwwww! Kissing!") First there's kissing. Then there's babies. Then you need a house to keep the babies in. Then you decide you might as well get married. The answer is... just avoid kissing.
this has to be better than the religion that says father of the groom is the first person to sleep with the bride....that is just nasty.
I wish your friend all the best, and hope she will be very happy.
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