Had a shit day, culminating in a row with my boss. It might surprise you to learn from the calm serenity which emanates from my blog that at work I am not at all calm and serene. At work I am a seething torrent, a fountain of rage. Maybe banging your head against a brick wall all year will do this for you, yet other people seem to let it flow over them without turning into raging psychopaths. Must say, I am hating my job at the moment. Or hating my place of work. I don't hate the kids, though they drive me up the wall, that's because they're 5 and 6, being asked to do too much without enough help and there's too many of them, but it's not their fault.
I remember having a conversation with a counsellor (not for anger management, btw) which went like this:
Me: But what's the point in anger? You can't do anything with it. Talking to you about it won't make it go away, I'm not angry with you. How can counselling help?
Counsellor: Yes, how can counselling help?
Me: Yes, I'm asking. How can it help?
Counsellor: Well, that's what we're working out here...
Money for old rope.
Anyway, what is the point in anger? Does it get you results, or does it just alienate everyone around you?
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18 comments:
I've always found it best to internalise anger and every negative emotion.
Does wonders for the IBS.
Sorry to hear you've had a crappy day - I recommend reading this post and its attendant comments thread as an antidote. I've been giggling like a loon for about an hour now.
An e mail I received overnight made me quite furious and I still haven't stopped being furious yet today. Himwhosnoreslikeabison came home furious because it took him two furious hours to get home instead of one. Then we ended up getting furious with each other due to both just being furious anyway. I really don't quite know where to put myself but this is a very long-winded way of saying I sympathise.
I'm very highly-strung so the slightest little thing can set me off.
It depends on what's making you angry. Though unless you particularly care about your boss, or to a lesser extent what he thinks about you, it'll subside. It's anger about people we love that's the big problem...
I find that anger let people know when they've pushed it too far.
I don't get mad oftern...so when I do, people know they need to back off.
It doesn't happen too often, but sometimes getting mad is necessary.
I trust you chinned the counsellor and set fire to his/her office?
I think anger can be a positive emotion, if you handle it in the right way. It can drive you to change the situation and make things better. I think it's only when the anger leads to hate that it really becomes a major problem. But the fact that the post below made me angry was positive, as it made me go and join Liberty and take a positive step towards changing things.
And there is also the fact that you look sexy when you're angry...
I like a good fight every now and then - bit of arm waving, lots of verbal dexterity; then its done. But I'm married to someone who will go to incredible lengths to avoid confrontation. Oh dear. So I mostly shout and "hah!" in the shower.
Blimey that counsellor sounds like a proper old mind-f..ker.
Anger at bosses? Isn't that normal? I can only think of one I haven't wanted to hit over the head with a wok.
Hope tomorrow isn't so crappy.
I think Del summed it up best. Oh, and trying not to be angry in some circumstances just isn't healthy. Better to go home, scream and punch a pillow repeatedly.
Geoff, I know exactly what you're talking about, usually I lose my voice (from swallowing my rage?)
Patroclus - tee hee! Jezebel is a voice of sanity in a mad world.
RoMo - I sympathise too. I want to hear about it next week.
Billy - I used to think of myself as laid-back. Ha! Not any more!
Ben - I do like my boss, funnily enough. 'about the people we love' - too right. Far too English and repressed to use the L word about them, but I care a lot about the kids and get angry on their behalf. A lot.
Geosomin - hello and welcome. Yup, you're right, far more effective. People at work must think oh god, here she goes again...
Tim, ha! That would have taught 'em.
Del - thanks, and, oh good. Anger is an energy, as John Lydon wrote. It's when nothing seems to change that you get frustrated. I feel like I've been fighting all year and getting nowhere.
Arabella, it's very odd but like your husband, I avoid confrontation in relationships, it only happens at work. It's why I've had such a glittering career, no doubt. Counsellors can sometimes be like fortune cookies.
B, yes, I should defer it til I get home. Must learn to keep my mouth shut.
"Counsellors can sometimes be like fortune cookies."
You mean they taste funny and make no sense?
I like it that you get angry and speak your mind - better than being a shrinking violet.
However - sometimes it's better to try and take a few moments and calm down. I am really trying to change this in myself because as Annie knows I tend to get myself worked up a lot and hence high blood pressure. I also end up looking a bit of a fool. Like when I snap at my lovely boyfriend just cause he's there to snap at. Must try harder to remain calm and cool. I dont' know where I am going with this really but sometimes angry people look a bit silly. As long as it's for a good reason.. it's much nicer being happy.
I find a bit of anger does wonders for my work ethic, but on the other hand I have a tendency to get angry at things I have no control over and that rarely ends well.
If I'm angry with someone I tend to get more cold and analytical than shouting and arm-wavy, which means I tend to win more arguments but in a way that makes me look like an arsehole. Swings and roundabouts.
Yes, what is the point in anger? Does it get you results, or does it just alienate everyone around you?
That's what we're working out here...
Rad, I didn't taste my counsellor, I'm pretty sure that's not allowed.
Sar, my new goal is to count to 10 before I open my mouth.
Emordino, yes, that hits the nail on the head - sometimes you have to shrug it off when you're not in control. I admire people who are icy cool when they're angry. Wish I wasn't so hot-tempered.
Istvanski, you could have a sideline as a counsellor!
I've gone from being unable to express anger to getting quite psycho but only with phone sales people etc. That makes me feel guilty and like a nasty person.
But their policy seems to be 'Drive customer to the edge of reason before agreeing to deal with problem.'
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