Was just reading Green Fairy's post on making small talk, and she brought up the question of being shy. (If you haven't seen Green Fairy yet, take a look now, she's great, though this post did rile me.)
I'm guessing most people who write blogs are somewhat shy (otherwise we'd be out talking to people more, right?) and would even say most of the people on my link list are shy. Except for Cream, I bet he's not shy, being a restauranteur and all. Or Rad. He's too sweary to be shy.
But correct me if I'm wrong, dear reader. Are you?
The thing is with shyness, as I get older, is that it almost seems to be synonymous with laziness. Shy people can be wrapped up in themselves, just thinking about the effect they are making and not on the other person. If you can't hold a conversation past the age of 15, get over yourself, I think, make the effort...
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13 comments:
Annie,you are right really!
I used to be shy but I'm alright now!
Nowadays, I will speak to anybody, anytime, anywhere.
As Bob Hoskins once said :"It's good to talk!"
I need to talk like a fish needs to swim. Life is too short to be shy!
You're wrong. Sorry, but the truth is I am more on the shameless side of the spectrum.
I'm not very good at breaking the ice but once it's been broken I can chat to just about anyone.
I'm like US. I just need to get started (which in itself is quite hard) and then I can waffle on for ages.
I'm shy in the way I find it difficult to phone people I don't know or talk to approach people I don't know. once I'm in conversation, I'm ok.
Some people are shy, I accept that. However, being shy is one thing, but too many times it's used as an excuse and justification for "don't want to make the effort".
I had/have a friend who wasn't shy, she just had no interest in meeting new people and making new friends. Don't use shy as an excuse for not wanting to bother.
Shy? Nah... I'm cautious, definitely. But not shy.
Hello, by the way. First time visitor.
Hi, interesting question about shyness. myself and two friends were just discussing this very topic the other day, so its a timely read. I'm not really shy, although have the odd moment of losing confidence, but generally happy to talk to anyone anywhere. Blogging is a way of expressing things you mightn't say to people you know (regardless of shyness) and is quite a liberating way to do it. My friends and i were talking about how shy people sometimes seem to have a distorted view of the world, thinking that everyone is looking at them and waiting to pass judgement. I read somewhere once a story about a mother giving advice to her daughter going to her school dance who was paralysed with shyness at the thought of going. The mother told her (words to the effect of) "you will not be the only person going to the dance, there will be several hundred people there, all with their own fears, hangups, etc. not everyone will have time to look at you and be focusing on you. Keep that thought in mind and relax". So she did apparently. And I have thought of it many a time.
Obviously I would love to share my thoughts on this post.
But I'm too shy.
(Well, somebody had to do it.)
When I was a teacher in NZ a lot of the Maori (indigenous population) kids had something called 'Whakama', which loosely translated means 'shyness', but actually means something closer to 'knowing your place'. Knowing one's place unfortunately meant that most of the girls had been told from birth never to speak in front of a large gathering of boys, and found it EXTREMELY difficult to do so. Which was a problem for me, because one of my duties was to assess their public speaking skills and encourage that ability in them. But I never thought it was laziness, and don't believe that is true of adults, either (kids and adults really aren't as different as we'd like to think). In fact, I usually make a beeline for the shyest person in the room- which is how I met GF, appropriately enough.
I feel shy about leaving messages like this - set out for all to see in word cement. I feel less shy talking to people, as long as there are no hidden recording devices, you can always deny it! In fact I would be too shy to have a blog site - don´t you think it´s very intimate?
There's an external greavsie and an internal greavise.
There's a greavsie for special occasions and there's a greavsie that appeears after a few drinkies.
A greavsie appears at work and another home.
They're all part of the whole, some are shy and some aren't.
I used to be shy with strangers, I started breaking out of it when I worked in tv, had to meet strangers and make them comfortable so they'd talk on camera. I'm still shy but not PAINFULLY so now.
I think most folks WANT to be liked [most, I said, not all].
My sis is so good with people. Everybody likes her. She's really kind, lovely and straightforward.
"Nothing's wrong with being nice to people," a pal once said. He's so right.
Oof! (as they say in Spain.) This is where the blogging medium lets you down - I want to talk to each person individually...
Right then, from the top.
I knew it, Cream. :-)Something about people who cook for other people seems to make them especially sociable.
Dcver, I love it that you used the word shameless. What a great way of putting it. I too would like to be shameless.
Anxious and US, me too, most definitely.
I agree Adrian. Though maybe your friend is happy just having a few friends?
Welcome Viking and My Side! Hurray for the new visitors... I can tell you're not shy Viking by the way you boldly commented. Good story, My Side, wish someone had told us that when we were teens.
Vaughan, tssh! I don't believe it for a minute. ;-)
Destructor, that's a very interesting point and made me stop and think. It can be a cultural inhibition too (I find this at school too, when talking to parents who are incredibly shy and wearing a full-on burqa so you can only see their eyes, which is quite literally self-effacing).
I wasn't meaning to criticise GF
by the way - it's more a criticism of myself, people always surprisingly say I'm quiet and I think maybe I should make more of an effort sometimes.
Emma - what, my Emma, relocated-to- sunny-Spain Emma? Em, your wit should not go wasted, go on, you know you want to... (By the way, your words are out there now, floating in cyberspace for all to see, no taking them back... *evil laugh*)
Greavsie, I know exactly what you mean. But how is it people can overcome it depending where they are or who they're with? Interesting...
GG, I had a similar experience in Spain giving conversational classes to all sorts. It was a fantastic experience - funny how you can become self-confident when you are in the driver's seat.
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